In the third (Read Part One HERE and then Part Two HERE) and final installment of my interview with Tom Green - who you know is going to kill it at The Vogue Theatre tonight (if you don't have tickets yet you should go HERE) - he talks skateboarding and... relationships.
This is the silliest I will ever get on the telephone during an interview. He completely indulged me. And I love him even more for it!
Mr. Kronbauer wanted me to ask you about skateboarding. Do you still do it?
I still skateboard although I'm really kinda slowing down in my old age. I broke my leg about three years ago on my skateboard and after that I really had to ease up. I tend to just surf around now and cruise around on my board. I try not to do too many tricks.
I grew up a huge Tony Hawk fan – he was my hero growing up and I've gotten to know him a little bit and we've become friends. He's a really cool guy.
Who is your favourite Canadian skateboarder of all time?
Who is my favourite Canadian skateboarder of all time? (Pause.) I'm going to have to think about that.
The only Canadian skateboarders I know, who I don't know well, are from Vancouver. Like Colin McKay (On VIA HERE), I've met him a few times and he's a friend of a mutual friend.
Who are some Canadian skateboarders by the way? This is a good question!
I'll have to ask Bob. I have no clue.
I'm down with The Red Dragons, though. Jason Ellis is a guy I really like, but he's Australian. He's really keyed in with The Red Dragons (VIA's Weekly Ledger Episode 1 HERE) which is a Vancouver skate crew.
I'm not sure how I'd answer who my favourite Canadian skateboarder is ... probably just me and my friends!
Tom's mobile internet studio on the "national internet." I dig the cow hat. Skateboarding in Salt Lake City, Utah.
It said on the information your publicist sent that we can't talk about your dating life.
So I thought we could talk about mine.
OK, that's good, yeah. Because I don't have too much to talk about anyways.
Why can't I find a decent, interesting, funny guy that doesn't have issues in Vancouver. What's going on up here?
(Laughs.) Yeah, well, you know I'm trying to figure out the same question in Los Angeles except that I'm not looking for a guy.
I have to ask you a couple questions first.
I love this!
What is it that has been your biggest problem with the guys that you've been dating? What's been the issue?
I think in my entire life I've maybe met three guys that have fired all the pistons the right way. I'm a fairly well-read person. I need someone who is, too. People always tell me “Oh, Rachel, you're so entertaining!” but I'm not a f**king court jester, I need someone to entertain me too. I think that's it – I get kind of bored with a lot of men. Also, I make a lot of obscure references and I need someone who can keep up with them. I always say my line in the sand is Mo Berg – if you don't know who he is, we can't be friends.
Sh*t. I'm running to Google right now...
Dude! How long have you been out of the country?! He's the lead singer of The Pursuit of Happiness!
What? Oh, yes yes. The name rung a bell. (Laughs.)
Wit. Wordplay. The portmanteau – I like that.
You want me to give you some tough advice?
Yes.
It's gonna be a little tough though. Could be tough to hear.
I'm ready.
Here's the opinion from someone who is single and also going through the same problems. Well, I think the problem is ... you're an A-type personality, right? So you find yourself attracted to A-type personalities. You said that you want someone who can entertain you and that sort of thing. But I think that right out of the gate you're setting yourself up for a clash: A-type personalities don't normally get along with one another that well. So what initially seems exciting because the guy's really funny eventually ends up being (pause) ... I think you want to find someone who will end up being an audience for you. A listener. But that's not gonna pop out. You're not gonna see that right away and you're not gonna see that as attractive, so you're not gonna gravitate towards that. You gravitate to what you see in yourself as a good quality and what other people see in you as a good quality.
Maybe you need to go out with a nice quiet guy who is more introspective. It's hard to find the right one. Someone who is going to be more supportive of what you do and less competitive with you as far as what you're doing.
I think that's very interesting and you're on point in a lot of ways. I have gone out with guys like that, who've let me be the rock star. Because really, let's be honest, there's no other way that it can work. And I found that I got a little ... bored. I've always been looking for the Arthur Fonzarelli-type. I need the “cool” factor. It's a hard road.
You can probably get bored with anybody. You gotta remember that, too. It's one person, you know? After you go through that phase of getting to know them and all their surprises and secrets and nuances, there's not going to be any daily surprises where things are revealing themselves. So I think you kinda gotta ... get used to being really bored, I think.
Oh, Jesus.
(Laughs.)
Or perpetually single.
(Laughs.) You're probably asking the wrong guy, actually! (Laughs.) You probably want to avoid extroverted guys, I think. At first it's going to seem fun but I think you need someone who is going to be more of an encouraging audience for you. A listener.
This is great. This is life-changing sh*t for me.
But at the end of the day it doesn't mean you have to go out with somebody who's boring! There's A-type personalities and then there's non-A-type personalities. You gotta be the Alpha in the relationship. So when you're going out with someone or meeting them for the first time you have to observe them for a minute... are they the person who, when you're hanging out with your friends, are they in the centre of the table and everyone's sitting around hanging on their every word and listening and laughing at everything they say? If they're that person – don't go out with that person. Go out with the guy sitting beside that person.
Tom Green, Regis, a skateboard, and a ring of fire. America's Got Talent but really, the best is always from Canada.
Wow, that's interesting. I hardly ever have a guy make a move on me. I'm “The Hunter.”
Exactly. You're going out with guys that remind you of yourself.
Oh my God. I'm narcissistic!
No, you have a certain outlook on the world. I do the same thing, actually, and that's probably why I'm single and continuing to look. It's a tough thing. As human beings we're attracted to physical things as well and usually A-type people – you probably go out with a lot of guys with tattoos, right?
No, definitely not. I'm a nice Jewish girl, are you crazy! My parents would kill me...
Well, that's a good start. Stay away from that. Stay away from those extroverted Alpha-males.
As I get older I have started to notice that everybody is in one of two categories.
A lot of my best friends are not extroverted people. They're really smart and creative people but they're just more in the supporting role of helping me with my stuff. Like my one friend who helps manage me is also a producer, it's a nice dynamic. He's not in front of the camera but he's always helping me with my comedy as opposed to always telling me about what he's doing. And that's a good relationship that we've got because we're supportive of one and other. So, if you go out with a guy you can't go out with someone who's constantly talking about his band and how he's trying to get on tour ... you want to go out with somebody who is more ...
I need someone who is the wind beneath my wings?
Yes. Exactly.
I am Bette Midler and I need to find me a Barbara Hershey-man.
Yes. Is that a Beaches reference, by the way?
Mo Berg ... I think you should go out with him.
Lime, kelly, British racing, emerald, sea foam ... Tom Green, what is the correct answer?
(Pause.)
British Racing. (Laughs.)
Thank you.
British Racing Green: The correct answer.
