The season is over, I’m still watching Edmonton enjoying playoff hockey, and I’ve got way too much time with my thoughts.
I mostly spend my days musing; by which I mean listening to Muse. Don’t judge, I’ve been feeling angsty.
Here's my most recent train of thought: Vancouver was pretty beat up by injury in 2016-17, and they were more impacted by those losses than any other team. Just take a look at this.
Don't tell Ducks, Oilers or Penguins they were most injured playoff teams. On cusp or already through to round 2 https://t.co/u0EoIPkqAX pic.twitter.com/cEBtMTH9Kg
— Man-Games Lost NHL (@ManGamesLostNHL) April 21, 2017
As I follow several playoff series, including Edmonton versus Anaheim, I can’t help but wonder: how would a fully healthy Canucks roster fare against the ducks?
Defence
The Canucks actually have a pretty solid defensive core when healthy. The problem was for most of the season it wasn’t. Losing Alexander Edler and Chris Tanev for lengthy stretches did nothing but hurt Vancouver’s chances.
Another player expected to be a key component in that mixture was Erik Gudbranson, who played a mere 30 games with his new team.
Assuming that both Nikita Tryamkin and Troy Stecher would still have emerged, Vancouver might have had a reasonably deep and talented blueline had things gone differently.
Vancouver was sorely lacking in one column, however: tenacity. When pressed, a duck can be a relentless foe, particularly when it is protecting a flock of ducklings. Here’s a video for reference.
For them it is not merely about protecting your turf, it’s also about punishing the intruder, and that’s something for which I doubt the Canucks have an answer.
Winner: ducks
Offense
Even when healthy, Vancouver’s offense was always a question mark. Daniel and Henrik Sedin are on the decline, and despite a strong effort by Bo Horvat, Sven Baertschi and puck-moving defenceman Stecher, goals were few and far between.
A struggling power play was a noticeable deficit. It could be argued that was due to coaching, with “rush scorer” Jannik Hansen kept off the man-advantage in favour of Jayson “0.13 points / game” Megna.
Ultimately though, I believe Vancouver lacked skill, plain and simple. They were shut out ten times during the season. Going head to head with a dynamic, scoring group would be tricky to say the least.
As for the ducks, their offense relies on tiring out opponents. Even against a juggernaut, like the tiger shown below, a shifty duck keeps their foe going in circles, burning most of their energy treading water. The opponent goes home tired, bedraggled and dispirited. Take a look:
In a head-to-head matchup between a professional hockey team and a group of adorable-yet-savvy waterfowl, I see nothing but potential humiliation for Vancouver.
Winner: ducks
Marketability
The Canucks’ promo videos this season featured players like Horvat, Ben Hutton and Markus Granlund doing the Grouse Grind and running along the seawall.
The message? We may not win, but we’ll sure gut out a try! Who doesn’t wanna hop on board that bandwagon?
But in terms of broad, marketable appeal? They just don’t stand a chance against the ducks. Because ducks.
Winner: ducks
Conclusion
Honestly, Vancouver’s ignominious season and high draft pick were the best outcomes fans could hope for. They’ll stock the cupboards for the future. Because as this article shows, right now they are not even able to best a brace of quackers.
Don’t feel too bad though, ducks are strong adversaries. After all, everyone know the only real threat to a team of ducks (and Ryan Kesler) is a strong gust of wind.
Ohhhhh, did you think I meant the Anaheim Ducks? Are you suggesting I would write a misleading headline and craft an entire article just to hammer home one very dumb joke? Look at my face.
Of course not.
