John Scott is an all-star. John Scott was voted into the All-Star Game by fans—not necessarily his fans, but fans of something, surely—as team captain of the Pacific Division. How great is that?
Of all the players to represent the tire fire that is the Pacific, John Scott could not be more ideal. Just like the Pacific, he’s terrible at hockey and everyone else in the NHL is laughing at him. Sure, people are acting like they’re actually big fans of Scott and how he’s some sort of folk hero representing all the journeymen of the NHL, but he’s not. That was Rory Fitzpatrick. Scott’s just the consensus worst player in the NHL, which is, regrettably, why he got picked for this honour.
And now John Scott is an all-star, representing the worst division in the NHL perfectly. To top it off, he was a healthy scratch against the Canucks. Somehow the Coyotes managed to win without their all-star captain when I watched this game.
- Frankly, I don’t care that the Canucks lost. This game was all about the badassitude of Daniel Sedin. His game almost ended early, when Michael Stone tried to knock a puck out of the defensive zone with his hand, but instead chucked the puck directly into Daniel’s face, causing him to lose several teeth and a decent chunk of blood as well. It’s what the British would call a banger in the mouth.
- I might have cringed at Daniel’s zombie mouth more than most, as I once horrifically busted up my own mouth (in about the dumbest way possible), spitting out teeth and blood in equal measure. Of course, I cried, took the day off school, and spent hours in a dentist’s chair under heavy sedation. Daniel Sedin missed 10 minutes of game time and was back on the ice before the end of the first period.
- Seriously, Daniel missed all of two shifts. Yes, of course he later scored a goal. Total badass.
- Sidenote: I’m starting to get worried about the Dans and Daniels on the team getting hit in the face with pucks. I don’t think I should go to any games for a while. On the plus side, Dan Hamhuis has been cleared to eat solid food, which stands out a bit on the Canucks’ injury report.
- Shane Doan entered this game with 7 goals in his last 6 games. Clearly the key to victory was to stop Doan, but apparently only Jacob Markstrom got the memo. He robbed Doan on two great scoring chances, including diving back to get his blocker on a rebound attempt early in the second period. Unfortunately, Doan got more than two great scoring chances. Willie Desjardins really should have made sure everyone got another copy of that memo.
- The Canucks may have out-shot the Coyotes 37-29, but most of their shots came from so far outside that this game technically qualified as an outdoor game. What few decent chances they had were turned aside by rookie Louis Domingue, who sounds more like a big band bandleader from the 50’s than a goaltender.
- After Doan opened the scoring, the Canucks replied with a drought-breaking goal. Not only did Bo Horvat score his first goal in 28 games, affirming my assertion that we didn’t need to worry about the 20-year-old centre, but it was also the Canucks’ first power play goal in 10 games and 21 opportunities. He scored it by making a bee line to the net, which explains his issue: he kept taking WASP lines to the net, just sort of meandering to the net like he was entitled to it.
- Horvat had no time to appreciate scoring his first goal in 28 games, however, as Laurent Dauphin scored his first goal ever just 19 seconds later. Typical rookie: no respect for his elders.
- The lack of respect clearly rattled Horvat, as he took an unnecessary penalty at the end of the second period, giving the Coyotes an early power play in the third. The Canucks penalty kill missed approximately 7400 chances to clear the puck and left Tobias Rieder all alone in front of the net. He slid the puck under Markstrom, but hit the post, giving Doan an easy tap-in for birdie.
- Not long after, it looked like the Coyotes had iced the game like a fat kid who really likes decorating cakes. Markstrom whiffed on a glove save, giving the Coyotes a 4-1 lead, but wait! What’s this? No goal because the play was offside? A successful coach’s challenge? The first one in Canucks' history? Huzzah! Yet another drought ended! This was the best game ever!
- That’s when Daniel struck. Tanev sent a beautiful cross-ice saucer pass to Henrik in the neutral zone and he followed up with some sauce of his own, sending Daniel in behind the defence. He wasted no time firing the puck top cheddar, which is what Daniel will have to eat for a while. Nice, soft cheese and other soft foods like mashed potatoes, bananas, and smoothies.
- Regrettably, that was all she wrote for the Canucks comeback, so let me leave you with the best Canucks quote of the season from Henrik Sedin: “If you lose some teeth, that shouldn't stop you from playing hockey.”
- ...so badass.