Breaking news, because there’s no possible way you could have heard about this anywhere else, but the Edmonton Oilers’ wunderkind Connor McDavid broke his clavicle in a game against the Philadelphia Flyers on Tuesday night.
You may be wondering what any of that has to do with a game on Wednesday night between the Vancouver Canucks and Pittsburgh Penguins. So am I.
The entire second intermission was filled with Sportsnet’s analysts wringing every possible take, both hot and cold, out of the McDavid story, including whether his injury means the death of hockey, whether McDavid’s status as the most legendary Oiler of all time will be impacted by a lengthy stay on the IR, and if McDavid is the toughest living being in recorded history for not immediately wailing in agony.
Unlike the Sportsnet crew, I watched this game.
- To be fair to Sportsnet, it would be tough to find something to talk about for large portions of this game. The first period was painfully dull, like someone sawing your arm off with a butter knife. The Penguins dominated play for most of the period, but failed to get many pucks on net, scoring the opening goal on one of those few shots, while the Canucks played like they were there to chew bubblegum and kick haps and they were all out of haps. Completely hapless.
- Apart from some nifty puckhandling by Ben Hutton that was so cocky you could call it Jared McCann, there was really just one highlight for the Canucks in the first: Jannik Hansen’s penalty killing. He was dominant on his PK shift: creating a turnover at his own blue line, then setting up Bo Horvat on a 2-on-1, then stealing the puck from Evgeni Malkin, then Phil Kessel, and nearly setting up Brandon Sutter for a scoring chance. It was so beastly, you’d think he had refused shelter to an enchantress disguised as an old beggar woman.
- The second period started off far more exciting than the first, with the Canucks flying out of the gate with a flurry of chances, but couldn’t beat the Penguins’ Fleury of goaltender. The only one who did was Jannik Hansen, who hit the post on his union-mandated one breakaway per game.
- Phil Kessel also hit a post in the second period, but it was a little more impressive than Hansen’s. Like a lightweight out for a night on the town with a bus pass, he hit the bar so hard he hurled his shot onto his friends on the bench.
- The Penguins extended their lead because of an incredibly rare occurrence: Chris Tanev made a mistake. At 4-on-4, he got caught napping in the neutral zone and was forced to chase down David Perron from behind on a breakaway. He very clearly hooked Perron for what should have been the easiest penalty shot call of all time, but the referees were clearly as confused by Tanev’s error as everyone else, calling a two-minute minor instead. It ended up working perfectly for the Penguins, as Sidney Crosby scored on the 4-on-3 power play, thereby ending the tired narrative that he is the worst player in the league because he started the season with a cold streak.
- That wasn’t the only confusing call from the officials in this one, as Radim Vrbata got tagged for a goaltender interference penalty when he thought he had drawn a penalty when his stick got slashed out of his hands. Fortunately for the Canucks, it didn’t lead to a power play for the Penguins. Unfortunately, it’s because Eric Fehr scored on the delayed call.
- The Canucks finally broke through the Penguins’ defensive shell thanks to, as you might expect, some Wizardous Sedinery. After neatly gaining the zone with a pass to Henrik that was, as Jim Hughson said, “perfect,” Daniel went hard to the net. Henrik found Matt Bartkowski, who threw the puck towards Daniel, who gently tipped it past Fleury. Like using tea bags to relieve tired-looking eyes, it was a beauty tip.
- In the final minutes, Jannik Hansen got rewarded for his stellar play all game. With Ryan Miller on the bench, Fleury snatched a Dan Hamhuis dump-in and considered taking a shot at the empty net, but instead just turned the puck over. Jared McCann beaver-tailed like he was possessed by the spirit of Ryan Kesler, but his shot got blocked. He managed to poke the puck through to the open Hansen, who picked the top corner like he was trying to find the Secret Square.
- Despite some of his nifty puck control, Ben Hutton showed a few of his warts in this game: the Canucks were out-shot 10-1 when he was on the ice at even-strength, which is uglier than the work of Szabolcs Veres. There's no need to worry too much about him just yet, but since he's a young player who is slightly less than perfect, all Canucks fans are required by law to hate him forever.
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Chris Higgins wasn't particularly impressive in his first game back from injury, finishing with a completely empty stat line: no shots or even attempts, no hits, blocks, giveaways, or takeaways. He was actually as invisible as everyone has been claiming Sven Baertschi is.
