Scenarios is a feature where Dan Donkers looks at an upcoming event and imagines the best case, worst case, most likely, and least likely scenarios for that particular event. Sometimes it gets weird. I mean, it's pretty unlikely that the Sedins would retire from the NHL, take up basketball, and bring the Grizzlies back to Vancouver. But it's certainly a scenario.
Due to a number of circumstances, I recently took an extended leave of absence from my work. In addition to this, I took an extended break from digital media. It has been wonderfully refreshing to do more of the things I enjoy, like reading, walking outdoors and spending time with my wife and young son. I have continued to follow the Canucks, but from a distance. It just hurt too much to get close to them again.
But Brock Boeser is single-handedly changing that for me. I mean, did you see his goal against the Lightning? My goodness! Oh, and my family is getting tired of me being around all the time. They think I need something to do. So, for the sake of everyone’s sanity, I’m writing about the Canucks again. And I’m going to play one of my favorite games: Scenarios! This is where I present several scenarios for the Canucks in the coming weeks: best case, worst case, most likely, and my favorite, least likely.
But since we all pretty much know how the next few games are going to go (hint: poorly), I thought I would address the most exciting event for Canucks fans in these dark times: the trade deadline! Here we go!
Best Case Scenario
We all know the two main players on the block: Erik Gudbranson and Thomas Vanek. This is a tale of two very different players. Vanek is having a very good season. His 37 points in 54 games is good for second on the team, trailing only Boeser, who creates such insane hair envy in me that I had to quickly scroll down down when I saw this post, in order to prevent a meltdown.
Vanek is clearly the Canucks’ best trade chip. I’m not going to speculate too specifically on what kind of return he might bring because I’ve been out of the loop for a while, and because I’ve never been good at trades to begin with. Once, in grade eight, I traded the combination to the padlock on my locker for six pieces of Dubble Bubble. It was very short sighted. As for Vanek, I wouldn’t get my hopes too high, but he’s certainly the team’s best chance for a pick or two, and maybe a serviceable player as well.
Gudbranson is an interesting and polarizing case. He makes it fun to listen to the radio and read the comments section on blogs. Despite his many detractors, he still has some supporters where it counts. But since this is the best case scenario, let’s assume that the Canucks will try their best to move him rather than re-sign him. It’s hard to say what they might get in return. Logically, it should be less than what they get for Vanek, but GMs are weird about defencemen.
Sorry, that should read, “GMs are weird about defence, man.”
They really are. GMs all around the league seem to be willing to overpay for defencemen, no matter what their pedigree. The best case would be that Benning finds a different GM who is willing to give more than we expect for the toughness and leadership of Gudbranson, and is willing to deal with the slowness and demonstrably bad numbers.
And hey, maybe in the best case they move someone else too. They seem to be getting calls for Hutton, and Tanev is a perennial favorite for the rumor mill. In a dream scenario they’re able to move Eriksson and his contract.
Best Case Scenario: Vanek and Gudbranson go for a few picks and maybe a serviceable player, but they’re also able to move another mystery player for some more futures.
Worst Case Scenario
Daniel Wagner already covered one possible worst case scenario, and he’s not wrong: doing nothing at the trade deadline would be pretty bad. I would argue, however, that an even worser case scenario is re-signing Gudbranson and Vanek to longer term deals. It’s no secret that Gudbranson is looking for a big payday on what his first contract as a UFA. And Vanek certainly has a right to ask for some term and money given his performance this year.
The problem is that signing either one or both of these players does nothing for the future. This is especially true of Gudbrandson, who is more likely to want longer term and more money. But Benning has, at one point or another, hinted at signing both of them. Vanek is productive, so the team may be able to live with that signing if it’s not too rich. Gudbranson, on the other hand, is not. Is it possible that he finds his game next season? Perhaps, but I would prefer he does that on another team. GMs are weird about defence, man.
Worst Case Scenario: Gudbranson signs for too much money and too many years. Vanek signs the $8 million contract that Dave Pratt seems to think he should get. In three years, after the trade deadline has passed and he has still not been traded, Gudbranson holds a press conference and tells the media, “My contract sucks.” No one appreciates the joke.
Most Likely Scenario
I think it’s possible that both Gudbrandson and Vanek get traded, but unlikely that anyone else does. The Canucks have several attractive defensemen (like this handsome devil), but it’s unlikely they move more than one. Jeff Paterson poured some water on the rumor fires the other day on Team 1040, saying something to the effect that those who are in favor of trading Tanev are, by definition, in favor of keeping Gudbranson, because the Canucks won’t move both. I think he’s probably right about that. GMs are weird about, well, you get it.
The most likely scenario, however, is that one of Gudbranson and Vanek gets traded and the other stays. If we take Benning at his word, he is working to re-sign Gudbranson.
Most Likely Scenario: Vanek goes, Gudbranson stays. Canucks Army implodes on itself in rage.
Least Likely Scenario
“Mr. Benning and Mr. Linden will see you now.”
Jim Benning’s assistant holds the door open, as a perplexed Erik Gudbranson enters the office. Benning and Linden stand and greet Gudbranson, ushering him to a small glass table surrounded by three comfortable chairs. He takes a quick look out the window, admiring the view of False Creek as the three of them sit down at the table.
Trevor Linden begins, “I guess you’re probably wondering why we asked you here.”
“I am,” Gudbranson replies. “I know today is trade deadline day, but I just assumed I would get a phone call if I was traded. What is this about?”
Benning speaks up. “Yes, Erik, you’re right. Under normal circumstances we would simply call you, but these are not normal circumstances.”
“What do you mean,” Gudbranson asks, “have I been traded or not?”
“Yes you have, but . . .” Benning hesitates and looks toward Linden. Linden simply nods. Benning continues. “You see, the market for your services was, umm, limited. We simply couldn’t get a deal done.”
Gudbranson looks at Benning, utterly confused. “You couldn’t get a deal done, but I’ve been traded?”
“Well, yes. But not to another NHL team.”
“Wait, you can trade me to Europe or the KHL or something? Is that allowed in the CBA?”
“Well, no, not exactly.”
“I don’t understand. Where have I been traded?”
Benning leans forward and sighs, trying to find the right words.
“Erik, we have traded you to another dimension.”
Gudbranson stares at Benning in disbelief.
“At the last minute, these being from the fifth dimension simply appeared in the office. They were like little thin blue wisps of cloud or smoke. They spoke to us telepathically. They told us that they were being pestered by some rowdy fourth dimensional beings and they needed your services.”
“I’m sorry,” Gudbranson interjects. “Fourth dimensional beings?”
“Yes, Erik. You see, you and I live in a three dimensional world, but there are many more dimensions that we are simply not capable of comprehending. It is common knowledge that the fourth dimension is time. The fourth dimensional beings are essentially bodily beings like us, but with the ability to travel through time at will. They are, apparently, a real nuisance to these fifth dimensional beings. I don’t know much about the fifth dimension, but it seems they have no need of physical bodies, which gives the fourth dimensional beings a strong physical edge, what with their solid bodies and all.”
Gudbranson looks back and forth between Benning and Linden, dumbfounded. “I don’t understand. I’ve never heard of any of this before.”
“Oh this kind of deal has happened before,” says Benning. “Lots of these types of deals happen all over the NHL, actually. Do you remember Artem Chubarov?”
“No.”
“Oh, ok. Well, he was on the team in the early 2000’s. When the trade deadline came around in 2004, he was traded to the ether.”
“The ether?”
“Yes, Erik. It’s the space between sleep and dream. He was traded for $20,000 cash and future considerations.”
“What were the future considerations?”
“The promise that no player on the team would ever have bad dreams again. The deal still holds to this day. Have you had a bad dream since you’ve been here, Erik?”
Gudbranson thinks hard, trying to remember. “No, I guess I haven’t.”
“Sometimes Artem still visits me in my sleep,” Trevor Linden says dreamily. “He always brings gifts, and messages for his family.”
Benning looks at him with eyebrows raised, then turns back to Gudbranson. “Erik, these beings are coming soon. You will not need any physical belongings. You will be able to visit your family and speak to them telepathically. I suggest you do it when they are sleeping, to avoid them thinking you are a ghost. I’ve known too many players who have ghosted their families. And I mean that literally, not in the way the kids are saying it these days.”
Suddenly the room is filled with a pale blue light. Three wisps appear behind Gudbranson. Benning and Linden watch as he stares straight ahead, gripping his chair tightly. A loud tearing sound echoes through the room, as if the air itself is being torn asunder. Without warning Gudbranson is vaporized right in front of them. Four bluish wisps hang in the air for a moment, and then vanish. On the seat in front of them is a signed contract and a brown bag containing $45,000 in cash.
As the two remaining men rise to leave, Linden turns to Benning and frowns.
“I really hate dealing with those guys. Let’s try to keep our deals within dimensions we can understand from now on.”
“I agree,” says Benning. “But if they come through on their promise to allow the team to travel through their dimension, our fatigue and distance problems will be solved for good. It’s an advantage we can’t turn down.”
Linden nods. “Still, I would prefer if we never speak of this again.”
Benning nods silently, and they exit the office, closing the door behind them. Neither man looks back to notice the faint blue light still emanating from beneath the doorway.
