Happy 4/20. Here are the most horrible, insane and delusional things humanity managed to accomplish this week.
“Tay's future bae application”
A female student enrolled at Minnesota State University got sick of swiping through Tinder and decided to make an application for her future prospects. Bored at home and with Excel at her disposal, she drummed up a little questionnaire. The blonde, giggly single posed the usual Dating Game questions like, “If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why?”, “If you were going to take me on a perfect date, what would that be?” and “Would you bring me snacks in a time of need?” She also outlined her own hard-hitting deal breakers (she hates cats, and any man who favours vanilla ice cream must go), and asked her future boyfriend the big questions, like, where he stands on abortion, gay marriage and which political party he affiliates with. The student handed out these applications on campus and through her social media. So far she has had 12 men fill them out and four tell her to “get real”. One young man interviewed by WDAY TV commented, “If I was a guy, and got handed this, I probably wouldn’t fill it out.” (Emphasis added.) Even the girl who created this insane dating tool agrees. “I would never do this,” she proclaimed. “I don’t think I would fill it out.”. Read more here.
Sadomaschist builds and uses ‘shocker’ machine
Back when I was in school, the “shocker” was a simple hand move dared by pushy young men who were curious about your asshole. But for 43-year-old Kerian Batten, the “shocker” is a homemade torture device he built himself from leather, wood, chains and electrodes. Batten is facing charges of sexual assault and recently appeared in court. Of course, the device was dragged into the courtroom so the jury could take a look for themselves. The 27-year-old complainant alleges that Batten clamped crocodile clips to her labia and turned on the machine. “All you can hear is your ears going bang and everything in your body is hot,” she said, according to the Mirror. “I just caught my breath because you think you are going to die.” She said she felt like she was being cooked in a microwave, and said she agreed to the extreme measures because Batten said she was boring in bed. She also said she consented to the nipple clamps, but not the clips on her labia. This is not the first sexual assault charge for Batten. Big fucking shocker. Read more here.
And the mother of the year award goes to...
This week, FBI agents arrested piece of human garbage Kelsey Christine Wheeler for trafficking her three-year-old child for sex. Wheeler’s defence? She claims the FBI is wrong, and that she was simply using her child to help her “rob a prostitution client.”
According to the Oregonian, the FBI caught wind of this shitty mom when a client of hers, Barrett Spangler, admitted that Wheeler had offered him sex with her baby for $1,000. One stipulation: she had to stay in the room while it happened. Spangler and Wheeler reportedly discussed sexual fantasies and “mother-daughter” taboos, which were all recorded online through their perverse correspondence. Allegedly, Spangler offered $6,000 for the twisted deal, and Wheeler defends that she only went along with it so she could rob him blind.
However, Wheeler doesn’t exactly have the best record when it comes to sex and children. According to a report from Child Protective Services in Las Vegas, Wheeler had previously been “found in a room with a man and a child and all people were wearing ‘minimal clothing’.”
Way to go, mom. Read more here.
