I've recently moved to the USA from Australia for work on a four-month contract. Before leaving for this trip I unsuccessfully tried to break up with my boyfriend of five years. He just refused to accept that we would not be together when I returned. He begged for us to stay together, just so upset, so I caved. I've been in New York having a great time meeting lots of interesting people and feel deep down that I cannot continue being in a relationship with my boyfriend back in Australia. I feel like breaking up with someone over the phone is disrespectful and I would rather wait to do it in person but I still have months away and want to enjoy my time here being free of any guilt. Is it acceptable to end a serious relationship on the phone in this circumstance or should I tough it out and wait to do it face to face?
Obviously breaking up with someone over the phone that you have been with for half a decade is some cowardly scum shit, but in this case, what choice do you have? You are in New York and your boyfriend is way back home in the sunny land of beautiful criminals. You got to get on the horn and do it.
Long distance relationships are rough. I've been in a few and always ended up having affairs on the sly. I was young, selfish and dumb like most 20-something's are and I'm sure my boyfriend was back at home doing the same. Monogamy doesn't work when you stick an ocean between you and your mate for four months. What is the point of lying to one another? What is the point of pretending? We hang on because the safety net feels good. That is, unless it doesn't.
You are in New York – the gorgeous, stinking, city filled with single men who are ready to plow and break your heart. You owe it to yourself to experience this without the string still attached to your Australian boyfriend. It's not fair for you to drag him along while you swipe right to every hot guy in Brooklyn.
The good news is that breaking up on the phone means that he will have four months to get on with his life without the shadow of you looming around his hometown. He can't bump into you. He can't show up at your apartment at night drunk and screaming. From his perspective, this is kind of the best situation. The most horrible thing about the ego bruise of being dumped is knowing you might run into your ex, and even worse, when and if you do, they could have some new dish hanging off their arm. The most important and mature thing you can do after a break-up is stay the fuck away from one another for at least six months. This usually means that one person forfeits parties that involve your common friends and all the places you would frequent together. You are already a million miles away. This step is done.
The conversation is going to be brutal. Breaking-up always is, but the longer you leave this the worse you are going to feel as your eyes wander and you start sleeping with New York's finest mixologists in man buns. (But, please don't. Man buns are a blow dryer on your pussy.) Have a strong cocktail, sit down in a quiet room, and call your boyfriend. Judging by his reaction when you tried to do this before you left, he is not going to give up easy. You are going to have to have your facts straight, a solid list of points that prove why you and he need to break up, and when all else fails, "I am not in love with you anymore" is the point no sane person can argue. People love to sugar coat when we dump someone because it softens the blow, but all this does is leave the dumped with lingering questions that only you can answer. And they will ask. They will try to coddle the ego bruise. Be honest. Sugar coating is for babies and a baby you are not. People break-up. That is a big "duh" in life. Just because it is over does not mean you didn't appreciate and love the time you had together. Remind him of this.
You got this.
