My boyfriend rarely goes down on me and when he does, I just can't get there. Maybe it's me, but maybe it's him and his lack of skill. I don't want to be bossy, but this is really starting to become an issue.
–Clit Catastrophe
Remember that great scene in Chasing Amy when Banky, Holden and Alyssa are at the bar discussing eating pussy? Banky tells Alyssa (a comic strip-creating lesbian played by Joey Lauren Adams) that he has given up on trying to go down on women.
Alyssa, being both a pussy eater and owner herself, says, “If you say the smell I will slug you.”
“It's not the smell. The smell is good. It's the matter of not knowing how to do it properly,” Banky replies. “Chicks never help you out. They never tell you what to do. Most of them are all self-conscious about the ‘smell factor’ that they sit their frozen like a deer in headlights. When a chick goes down on me, I let her know where to go and what the status is. You gotta handle it like CNN and The Weather Channel: constant updates.”
I know that when I was in high school there was an enormous pressure on girls to suck dick. It was like a rite of passage to becoming sexually fulfilled and mature. However, there was zero pressure for the boys to reciprocate. All they had to do was jam their dirty fingers into our pussies, let us suck their dicks and then, eventually “have sex” with us, and they were bowed to like knights by their peers. I highly doubt much has changed. This is a double standard. And perhaps the most irritating one.
In Chasing Amy, Alyssa continues to talk about her past: she was all nervous in high school when someone was going down on her. She never gave directions about what made her cum (probably because she did not know then), yet when she got to college all that changed and she became “one of those guys at the airport with the big flashlights, waving them this way, directing them that way, telling them when to stop.”
It’s hard to get to the point of being totally comfortable with yourself to become that airplane traffic controller, but you got to do it. Don’t you like a little instruction when you are doing the work? I do not speak every person’s individual dialect of groans and I highly doubt you do either. I’m not saying to bust in there like the Kool-Aid Man demanding how your puss be eaten…wait. Actually, maybe I am. That would be hilarious.
Be the encouraging, airport control traffic girl guiding the plane onto the runway.
Love,
Mish
I've never had a bikini wax in my life, but I really want to try it. I don't think I necessarily need to (I have never had any complaints), but I want to do it. Do you have any suggestions of where I should go in Vancouver? How painful is it? Do men really care about pubic hair?
–Bush Baby
If you want to rip all the hairs out of your vagina, then that is all you. Some people feel great with the Jesse Jane look and in fact, waxing it all out gets easier over time. Your pubic hair is just like the hair on your head: you will find your own style. You may even get a cut you really don't like that you saw on some "actress" in a "movie" and think you can handle it, but you can't. After 30 years of life, I have realized that my pubic hair is pretty mellow and I can deal with just a detailed trimming. I feel good, fresh and happy. Just like a tampon commercial.
For your first time I can not stress going to Sugarbox Waxing Boutique in Yaletown enough. The staff is kind and patient. They are so gentle and everything in the place smells like roses, champagne and sugar. I remember going there with my friend who was getting her first bikini wax. She was so nervous, but Sugarbox made her feel completely calm. The waxer even distracting her by punching the side of the table every time she had to rip off another piece.
Never cheap out on a wax. If you are going to pay someone to pour hot wax on your precious skin and rip out your hair with a flap of soft fabric, then you should not be doing this in the back of a "massage parlour" that smells like doughnuts and meth. Treat yourself to that extra $20 it's going to cost for the professional experience.
Love,
Mish
