I’m a 25-year-old man who recently broke up with my girlfriend of five months. We originally met on Tinder and were not in the same social groups at all. We had a great time but she just was not right for me. It’s been a month since we broke up and she has tried really hard to remain friends with my friends and family. We have stopped talking, but it’s to the point where she is trying to rub it in my face over social media. She even posted a photo of her and my sister partying the other night and tagged me in it. I guess they ran into each other at the bar, but come on. Her behavior has not calmed down, as I thought it might, but is only getting more intense. What is she doing? How do I tell her this bothers me without her flying off the handle? Technically she is not doing anything wrong, but this is annoying and insane.
According to Urban Dictionary the definition of a “psycho hose beast” is as follows: “a person who is so needy they create a force akin to gravity, that pulls everyone’s attention, energy, and cash into their gaping maw.” Ignoring the cash part, I believe what you have on your hands here is a true blue psycho hose beast. Thanks, Stacy! I don’t even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack.
It is one thing to want to remain friends with your group of buddies, who she perhaps got close to while you were dating. There is nothing wrong with that at all as long as it’s respectful to you and done in a way that acknowledges your break up. Some of my best guy friends have been birthed from my ex’s friends. I never rubbed these new found relationships in the mug of my ex, and I kept my distance until things were cool between everyone involved. Then again, when I was in my early 20s, Instagram was not a thing and Facebook was only for the socially savvy. “Tagging someone” was only part of a game you played on the soccer field at recess.
Now, two things could be happening here. She could be trying to mess with you and get your attention in the most pathetic way possible, OR she could just be that obtuse. I’m leaning towards the former, if only for the fact that she took a photo of herself and your sister at the bar and tagged you. The tagging meant she wanted you to see it. Duh. But did she want you to see it for malicious reasons or because she is clueless to anyone’s feelings other than her own?
Was she kind of a dumb-dumb when you dated? Did she seem particularly unaware of her surroundings? Did she take up two spaces when parking her Kia? Was she unable to compute why giving her 55-year-old, newly divorced and depressed aunt a joke card about being a spinster was pretty rude? Then, you have a stupid idiot on your hands, in which case, talking to her about how her behavior is inappropriate will be a lot easier. Just call her up and explain yourself in a calm voice. If she had no idea this would make you angry, she will stop. Stupid idiots are usually nice guys at heart.
However, if we are dealing with a manipulative, psycho hose beast, then trying to communicate with this monster might be a little tougher. I feel for you because this kind of despicable selfish behavior is the work of a demented genius. A true mean girl. She has concocted the perfect way to get under your skin, scratch around a bit, spray paint “fuck you for dumping me” on your bones and then pass out, drunk with power. I hate her for you. Annoying does not begin to describe this. But yelling or spazzing out – any sudden movements – are only going to send her into a rage. You can’t feed the beast. You have to coax her in with a treat and then lay down the bear trap. If I were you, I would call her up and explain, again very calmly, that you do not mind her being in touch with your friends, but that you do not need her to tag, comment and make you aware of every move she makes with them. Also, ask your sister what happened before you launch into any family stuff. Facts always trump feelings and you need to get your bullet points ready before dealing with your Stacy.
Party on, Wayne. Good luck.
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