I'm a 29 year-old woman and I've got a big problem I don't know how to even approach. My parents are very marriage obsessed. Maybe that's not the right phrase, but it feels like their ultimate goal, for myself and other siblings, is for each of us to get married. My parents have graciously saved a "marriage fund" for me hoping one day that they could provide the gorgeous wedding they think I have been dreaming of.
Here's the problem: I have no interest in marriage. Forget that my boyfriend and I have only been together for a year, but more so, that I don't want my relationship to be muddled by paperwork and government intervention. I just don't see why I would need to get married? I have never dreamed of a big wedding or walking down the aisle in a white dress. I don't care. I would rather take that money and put it towards something practical, such as a down payment or low risk investments.
The problem is that my parents refuse to release these funds to me. They are holding out for a wedding and, in my opinion, are being completely ridiculous. How do I shake this marriage insanity out of their heads without offending them? After all, it is their money. Help!
Kudos to your parents for being such diligent little savers. Let's put aside the reason why they saved that money and just give them a round of applause for doing so.
Look, a big wedding may seem like a complete waste of cash to you but for some reason, it means the world to them. Your parents want you to get married because in marriage they see security, partnership and love. Who wouldn't want that for their children? I can only assume that a big, beautiful wedding ceremony seemingly solidifies all this for your future. Have you asked them why the wedding is so important to them? If you haven't, do it. Remove all chips from your shoulder, and ask them why the ceremony means so much to them. You may be surprised by the answer. (Talking rarely makes things worse.)
Hypothetical: they refuse to use the money on anything other than your wedding. Brutal. But you are not entitled to this money. They are the ones who saved for all those years, so technically it is theirs to spend. Your parents love you, and want it spent on you. Hopefully after a long talk you can convince them that it would be better invested in the stock market, not Vera Wang. You don't seem like a dumb ass. It's not like your plan is to use the money to buy pool toys or a fleet of scooters. A tight financial plan could be a game changer.
I didn't think I wanted to get married, or have a wedding. But I did both, and I do not regret a minute of either. I'm not saying you are going to change your mind; in fact, I hope you don't, but it's surprising how love can stomp the practicality right out of you.
Talk to your parents. The sooner the better. Don't expect the money to be released by the end of the conversation, but plant the seed so you can reach an agreement before your 45th birthday.
