I'm 14-years-old and in high school, and I need some advice. Being queer in high school is hard, especially when you live in the Bible Belt and I was just wondering if you had any tips to help me deal with harassment from fellow students? (Not necessarily bad harassment, just rumours and other various forms of being rude.)
I grew up in North Vancouver, which, compared to the Bible Belt, is like the loudest, gayest cruise ship sailing through an ocean of rainbows while blasting Turbonegro at full volume. I have spent lots of time in the South, but I did not grow up there, let alone grow up queer there.
However, my husband lived his teenage years in the Bible Belt, so when I got your question I turned to him. My husband was born in Arkansas, but his family bounced from California to Texas to Colorado. Eventually, they relocated back to Booneville, Arkansas, when my husband was 14 years old and a full blown teenage punk. He had a mohawk, rode a skateboard, listened to Negative Approach and got called a faggot every day by redneck jocks. Booneville had a population of a few thousand people, and he had to toughen the fuck up to everyone because the only kid on his side was another “freak”: the one black kid in town. (His family was eventually exiled from Booneville via a burning cross on their front lawn, but that’s a whole other story.)
My husband and his mohawk stood out as exactly that. The principal made him cut his hair. He learned how to take a beating. He got really good with knives and how to use his scrawny body in his favor. His skin got tough.
“He should find an alternative route home from school to avoid bullshit and immediately start hanging out in the closest major city,” my husband said when I read your question. “Getting out of your high school scene and befriending people in a more open-minded place is your best bet.”
This is what he did. Then, he ended up with a 22-year-old girlfriend at the age of 14. (Again, a whole other story.)
High school sucks. Period. Anyone who looks back on that time as their glory days is a deep loser. Going to class for eight hours a day? Being baby-sat by teachers? Hand jobs and wine coolers? Please. Life is so much more than embarrassing sex and getting caught stealing your mom’s Ford Tempo.
I don’t want to get all Dan Savage on you and tell you “it gets better” because you know that it does. You just have to survive through the next few years before you can really live. Have you come out to your family? Do you have anyone in your family who is supportive? If not, do you have some friends who are? Anyone in your life whom you can be honest with is going to be your saving grace. I hope you have at least one of these people you can spill your guts to.
As for deflecting rumors of your queerness, there is not much you can do besides fuck a chick or get a chick to pretend she fucked you. I don’t suggest either (isn’t there a really bad movie based on that premise?).
Everyone gets teased in high school. It’s what makes you stronger. I remember this guy at my high school called me a lesbian every single day and relentlessly fucked with me. It totally killed my confidence for a few years there. Then, once I got my braces off and my tits went from zero to C-cup, he asked me out. Turning that boy down was THE moment.
You’ll eventually get one of these. Maybe it will be at the end of school or maybe in 10 years, but either way, one of those closeted homo assholes who currently teases you is going to walk into a bar you are at and hit on you, and you are going to get to shut him down. Even if this doesn’t happen, your revenge will be living a cool, successful life far away from people who are so boring they can’t even think of a more original insult than “faggot.”
I love you. I don’t know you but I love you for being brave enough to be exactly who you are and ignore the bullshit. Who cares what these people think. Right now, they are helping you develop a tougher skin and crazy strong ambition. You will come out a better person for all of this.
For now, find a sneaky route home, fight back if anyone threatens you and start hanging out in the nearest major city. Bring a friend you trust and love and go bananas. Life is hard and people are assholes. This is just phase one.
Love,
Mish
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