I recently met someone and we totally hit it off. We have some mutual close friends who have been trying to set us up for years and it was a shockingly good match the weekend we hung out. But, we live in different cities so we have been getting to know each other mainly through texting since then. I have a flight booked to go visit him and we were both really excited when making plans to see each other. He then kind of fell out of contact for a couple days and, after apologizing for his absence, informed me that his ex-girlfriend (who he broke up with half a year ago) needs a place to stay and is moving back in with him for a month until she's back on her feet. It doesn't interfere with my visit but I just don't know if I should go anymore. I feel like I'm risking getting hurt really bad, seeing as this past relationship doesn't seem like it's completely over. I also feel like he is being manipulated by this ex and that she isn't going anywhere anytime soon. He has made it clear he likes me and still wants me to come visit. Should I protect myself from this potential emotional shit storm and call it quits now or take a risk and see if our connection is as special as it originally felt?
Why this dude thought he had to tell you about the ex-girlfriend is beyond me. You are not dating yet, or in a committed relationship so he doesn't owe you that information. Furthermore, her stay does not interrupt your trip with him. Now you have this elephant parking her fat ass right in the middle of your potentially fun fling. Send her back to the Sahara.
I don't know this guy or his personality, but I suspect he told you about the ex for one of two reasons. It could be that he wants to drop a hint in case they do end up back together. That way you won't be so surprised when he sucker punches you with this information a month after your visit and you are crushing hard. Or, it could be that he is just a really nice guy, nice to a fault, and felt it would be noble to let you know.
As for this ex-girlfriend, I am skeptic of her motives. Call me nucking futs, but if I had been dumped by someone, they are the last person I would come to for a place to stay when high and dry and homeless. She doesn't have any friends, family or women's shelters she can park herself at for a while? If the break-up was not so fresh, I wouldn't see the big deal here (many exes remain platonic friends), but it's only been six months. Did they date and live together for a while? Let's assume, yes. (If they didn't why would she feel comfortable asking him for a place to crash for a goddamn month.) She probably is not over him and this is her sneaky, albeit stupid way of trying to get back together with him. If she's just there, cleaning his house, watching movies, working out in the backyard and making him nice thank-you dinners, maybe he'll see the mistake he made and let her back in for good. I don't see any other reason than her wanting to weasel her way back into his life and playing the damsel in distress is an easy tactic. The hardest part about trying to manipulate your ex back into sex is getting in the front door. She's already there.
That being said, you should still go on the trip. If it ends up a bust, then who cares? At least you've never have to wonder "what if,” and if you guys have the strong connection you say you both felt, then the elephant will be forced out of the room.
I know it seems like you are walking into a pretty messy situation, but what about life is not messy? If you like this guy then go and have fun. One of the best things that ever happened to my sanity was when I realized you can not control anyone's actions. No matter what. You have to just worry about your own. Whether the ex moves in or not is completely out of your control. It's infuriating, I know, but you have to just be a passive, zen hippy about it.
Don't overthink this. Go on the trip, get laid and have fun with this new guy you met. You never know what will happen. Maybe he'll end up hurting you, but we always bounce back from heartbreak. If you don't go, you could be giving up on something potentially great. You don't know unless you try.
