I’m a 37-year-old man who recently broke up with his long-term girlfriend. I’ve been single for a year or so now, and it’s been great. I’ve dated a few women, some more seriously than others, but it all feels kind of meaningless. By no means do I want to get back with my ex, but I’m not young anymore. All my friends have coupled up, and those who are still single are the bachelor-for-life kind of guys. I don’t think I want that. I’m not dying for a relationship, but I am discontent. (I just broke one off with a woman because of distance, and the fact that I just didn’t care enough to take the relationship to the “next level,” or whatever it was she needed.) I also have no interest in using dating apps. I have tried and its just one boring, normal woman after the other. Not that it isn’t easy to get laid; it is, but the quality is subpar. I am fine with where I am, but with all my friends coupling up and moving on, I feel like I’m lagging behind. How do I get out of this discontent, weird, half-assed funk?
Have you ever heard that song by the Skyhooks, "All My Friends Are Getting Married?” Probably not, since that band was one of the most underrated glam rock acts of all time. They came from Australia. It’s not easy to make it outside of Australia.
Anyway, the song is all about this sad-sack dude who is jealous that all his friends are putting a ring on it and he’s left at the singles table. He feels old, alone and in denial, because his friends are all “staying home on the weekends” and “doing what they are told.” Maybe he is “the only fool” for thinking that marriage was lame? Maybe traveling the world with your glam rock band had a shelf life? Who would have guessed?
The Skyhooks are the shit, and I’m just going to use your question as an excuse to talk about this band. The last tour I did ended earlier this year in the land of criminals, and the best thing we got out of our tour manager was the Skyhooks. I can thank him for that introduction. You feel down about your relationships? Pop on a Skyhooks record and let your troubles slip off into the air like a pink cloud of Chanel’s “Allure” perfume. Hits like, “Straight in a Gay, Gay World,” “Why Don’t You All Get Fucked,” “You Just Like Me Cuz I’m Good in Bed” and “Women in Uniform” will have you air drumming on your steering wheel.
The chorus of “Why Don’t You All Get Fucked” can be your mantra until you cool down and meet a fox on your level. The chorus goes like this: Why don’t you all, why don’t you all, why don’t you all GET FUCKED! It’s catchy, hot and cheeky, no matter how old you are. And you know what? Your married, boring, coupled-up friends can get fucked! They are a snooze and you don’t need them. (That’s not true. It’s actually the opposite from the truth, but let the immaturity ride for the duration of the album. Indulge in recalcitrance.)
We all love to be loved. Eventually, you will find someone who you can tolerate again. You are going to feel discontent and itchy until you fall in love one more time. To quote Ray from Trailer Park Boys, “That’s the way she goes.”
You don’t need to feel resentful of your married friends or worry that you have fallen behind the herd. The odds are stacked in your favor. We couple up because love is the greatest thing we all have access to.
Now, go listen to the Skyhooks.
