Something recent happened to me that changed the way I viewed myself. I went on a date with this girl I always really had a thing for. She is in an open-relationship with a man she is committed to. Regardless, we went on a date, made out and I thought things were good. But then I texted her. She did not reply. So, I got drunk on a Saturday morning and sent even more texts. It ended poorly. I turned into the stalker creep. I wrote about it here, on Thought Catalog. Just wanted to know your thoughts on this? Has this happened to you? I am not "that guy", but in her eyes, I am. How do you go on from here? But I guess booze played a part in this. How do you walk away from this feeling human?
The fact that you even fucked up this bad is what makes you human. Don't you love that? The cushy reminder that relationship failure is a part of our DNA.
You know how many embarrassing things I have done in relationships? A million. You know how many mortifying texts I have sent? A million. For a brief, yet depressing, period in my single life, I would text my booty call at 3AM and then, in my wasted state delete the text as if to protect myself from my own pathetic actions. Usually I would wake up on my friend's floor to a text reply from that booty call I decided I was not confident enough to remember I had tried to fuck. I did this all the time. As if deleting the message would make it un-send to the person I sent it to. It got old and he distanced himself from me. I didn't even like the guy, but the rejection was a burn to my ego. My drunken booty text deletes were a total delusion, and I have since learned.
You went on a date with a girl you held on a pedestal at the tip of your boner for years and it did not turn into the sexy, Mad Men-esque affair you imagined. Instead, you decided to bleed your heart into her inbox while drunk on a Saturday morning. Bold move, my friend. I spelled "bold" wrong. I meant "stupid."
But we all make stupid mistakes. The chick had a boyfriend after all and, to be honest, if she told you it was an open-relationship it probably wasn't. She may have just said that to you to ease the pain of her not being single, perhaps for herself more so than for you. She could have been considering infidelity but you just didn't have the right taste in your mouth when you guys made out. It's really nothing to pine over. Your fantasy did not manifest. Welcome to planet Earth. It sucks.
The good news is that you are much more self-aware than most men; perhaps even to a fault. You have to stop obsessing over this. She's just a girl. Did she split the atom? Did she cure cancer? Did she save an entire family from plummeting off a cliff in their car to their demise by summoning PCP-like strength and elevating them to safety? No. She worked at some place you worked and when she walked past you, you got a little horny and fascinated.
I am a firm believer in two things when it comes to relationships: 1) do not ask questions you don't want to hear the answer to (primary rule in break-ups) and 2) silence is power. If you flood her inbox with your neuroses her vagina is going to shrivel up like a prune. No one wants the needy guy, especially not the one who they had already iced. She played my second rule just right and you fucked it up by filling the void with your explanations. Sometimes we have to learn how to shut up and let God be God, or whatever. I don't believe in God (kind of), but if he was real he would tell you to zip it.
You are not a creep or a freak or a loser or a moron or whatever your flavour. You are a person who got wasted and pressed "send" without counting to 10. Calm down, please. You can save this: just delete her number and move on.
