I recently read about this company called Embrace Pangaea that sells mesh balls of herbs meant to detox your vagina and uterus. One package even claimed to help with "vaginal tightening" from inserting the herbal packets for three days. Some doctors think it's dangerous, but holistic healers say it's fine. It's just herbs? Do you think this vaginal detox is really all that bad?
-Detox Curious
I am not a gynecologist, so I am not an expert on vaginal health, but after some basic research a donkey could handle, even I can tell these things are garbage.
Remember when you were a teen, first using tampons, and reading that Toxic Shock Syndrome warning on the side of the Tampax box kind of freaked you out? The advice was simple: use the right sized tampon and never leave it in more than eight hours. My friend got TSS once. She did not realize she had a tampon left way up inside of her for over a week. She was out to lunch with her friend and projectile vomited beside the table, then passed out off her chair.
If you ask me, Embrace Pangaea are a bunch of hippy freaks peddling vaginal potpourri. It's total bullshit. A gynecologist, Dr. Jen Gunter, got word of this new trend and wrote a very informative blog detailing all the reasons why falling for this detox is a joke. Dr. Gunter points out that the vagina is a "self-cleaning oven" and that if it needed help, it would warn you by "bleeding profusely", itching, cramping or producing an odor.
"There is no such thing as a detox or cleanse," she pointed out, explaining that human organs have evolved to take care of themselves in partnership with the rest of the body. "[Detox and cleanse] are fake terms used by snake oil salespeople to lighten wallets."
She also explains that leaving a bag of anything in your vagina for multiple days at a time will kill the lactobacilli (good bacteria) in replacement of anaerobic (bad bacteria). Dr. Gunter calls the pearls a "nidus for infection,” then points out how all the photos on the company website of healthy discharge are in fact a sign that the vagina who extracted said discharge was severely infected.
"The vagina makes excess discharge when there is A) irritation, B) infection, C) an absence of good bacteria," she wrote. "This discharge isn't some toxic swill that the vagina was hiding that only the pearls could release."
In short, Dr. Gunter writes off this homemade medicine like the floral teabag that it is. Furthermore, as Global News reported, the inventor of these herbal pearls claims she did not consult with a gynecologist or medical professional because it would interfere with her philosophies on natural remedies. So, she didn't want to test the safety of her product because she knew she would be told what she was creating was unhealthy, yet still decided to market it? I guess enough backlash has caused the product to be removed from Etsy. I don't believe in buying medicine on Etsy, do you?
There are many natural and time honoured ways to maintain a healthy vagina. Neem (Indian lilac) leaves can be boiled down and used to wash with. (This anti fungal, antibacterial, antiviral wonder leaf has been used for years.) Packing your diet with citrus fruits helps your body fight infection and keeps vaginal odour away. And, of course, when you feel a bladder infection coming on, buy a vat of pure cranberry juice, mix half the liquid with water and drink 8-10 glasses.
When it comes to my vaginal health, I trust my gynecologist over a self-proclaimed psychology major. I can't tell you what to do with your body, but what I can tell you is that I would not use these.
How much of an asshole can a man can be with the power of flowers as an apology? I know flowers are an OK "I'm sorry" for some things, but really how far can I push it?
-Flower Power
Flowers are for impressing your female in-laws and should be used as a nice gesture, not because you did something stupid, but because you thought your girlfriend might appreciate a bouquet of white tulips on a Tuesday.
I remember when I worked in a lingerie store and men would come in after a night of heavy drinking. Obviously they had fucked up royally with their wives, so desperate to buy a beautiful gift to smooth things over. Lingerie and flowers are not going to excuse your moronic behaviour that upset her. The only thing you can really do when you have pushed it too far is man up and apologize sincerely. And if you don't feel sorry for what you did then maybe you should evaluate what you are doing with this person and quit wasting her time.
In short, the furthest you can push it with flowers will probably just be up your own ass. Let me know how it goes.
