My premature ejaculation has gone from manageable to straight embarrassing in recent years. I recently broke up with a girlfriend and I suspect this was a key issue (even though she'd never say so.) I’m talking to a new girl who I really like but am getting increasingly worried about what she'll think. There's a good chance that this is a lifelong thing and I’m worried I'll never be able to keep a girlfriend again. My question is: How should I explain this to her? Is this a deal breaker for a lot of chicks?
–Two Pump Chump
Two Pump Chump,
How old are you? How many years have you been having consistent sex? How long can you last, for real? Are we talking a Misfits song or more like Pink Floyd? Or one Mississippi?
I’m sorry that you feel so inadequate because of your quickness. Having a penis must be a total bummer. Yeah, you guys can piss standing up and impregnate women, but really what else is there? I have never suffered from penis envy, especially not right now. That being said, your problem can be combatted in a few ways. You have to remember, as overtly clichéas this sounds, that the right person will care and have patience with you. Women can put up with a lot of bullshit…but only for so long.
First, you have to figure out if your premature ejaculation problem is lifelong or acquired. Lifelong usually starts in a man’s teenage years and is much harder to treat, where as acquired happens later in life and is usually triggered by psychological (stress, work, relationship issues) or physical causes (diabetes, high blood pleasure, whatever). According to Dr. Michael Wetzler, medical director of the Hill Medical Centre in London (and an expert in penis problems), this common condition can not be cured, but you have to think of it like the drug addicts in the DTES: they aren’t going anywhere, so harm reduction is kind of your best bet.
Dr. Wetzler recommends thick condoms, focusing on other sexual pleasures and the “Start-Stop Technique”: stimulate the penis, stop just before you feel as though you are going to blow, wait 30-60 seconds and start again once you feel as though you have regained control. Repeat this process four to five times. It’s like kegels for your dick.
Then, there’s the “Squeeze Technique”, which is exactly what is sounds like: squeezing the shaft for 30 seconds right before you feel as though you could ejaculate. The whole idea is that you can feel your “point of no return”(AKA orgasm) coming, identify that feeling and learn to control it with some next level mind power.
I’m no doctor, but here are my suggestions. Whiskey is an excellent way to retard your ejaculation. In fact, if you combine it with cocaine, you will be able to fuck her for days with no ending in sight. Sure, your dick will turn into chewed bubble gum, but hey, that’s whiskey-coke cock.
If you do not want to snort shitty rat poison up your nose, then I seriously suggest stepping your foreplay game the fuck up. Learn how to give head so good that she won’t even care if you are fucking her. You can do a lot with your hands (fisting is awesome, do not rule it out), and then just slip in there at the last minute. You have to make her so caught up in the pleasure that she won’t even notice your unfortunate speed.
Don’t worry. It’s going to all be fine. Master foreplay, oral and hand fucking, then go see your doctor if you are still freaking out.
Email Mish
Send Mish your own sex questions and queries to [email protected]
