I'm in England right now. As I type this, I am sitting in the back of my tour van driving from Birmingham to Leeds. The British love a celebrity sex scandal almost as much as they love to get black-out drunk at 6pm on lukewarm lager. Only in a British tabloid would you see the word "PEDO" printed in the big, block letters of a headline. The adultery scandal is the crème de la crèmeof tabloid scandals, and even us Canadians can get behind our British brothers on that one, especially when the reason the adulterer got caught was totally stupid. We LOVE celebrity adultery! "They are JUST like us! They grocery shop! They get wasted and cheat on their spouses!"
Enter the Hall of Fame.
GAVIN ROSSDALE
Every guy hates Bush's Gavin Rossdale because he is married to pop superstar Gwen Stefani and every girl loves him for the same reason. Sorry, was married to Gwen Stefani until he got busted having an affair with the couple's live-in nanny. Apparently, Rossdale had been sleeping with the couple's Australian nanny for years, throughout the birth of their second child (gossip even claims he allegedly left the hospital right after Stefani gave birth to go fuck the nanny). Rossdale got caught last year when he forgot that his iPhone was synced to the family iPad and his young son saw naked photos and sexts that the nanny had sent to Rossdale. Seriously. How hard is it to disconnect your iPhone? Isn't that Adultery 101?
LIAM GALLAGHER
Oasis frontman and notorious British asshole, Liam Gallagher, recently divorced from his wife, Nicole Applegate, when a New York Times journalist claimed Gallagher was the father of her newborn baby. Liza Ghorbani wrote a feature story on the rockstar while he was visiting New York, and they had an affair. (He pulled out, right? That works 90 per cent of the time.) Gallagher washed his hands (and dick) clean and flew back to England. Nine months later, Ghorbani began saying he is the father of her baby and demanding financial compensation for the little tot. Gossip rags showed photos of her parading baby Gemma around Manhattan in a stroller accompanied by gold digger headlines. (She most recently pulled out of the settlement deal to demand even more money from the frontman.) Gallagher is no stranger to adultery, he has had many publicized affairs with journalists over his career, but adding an alleged step-kid to the mix was grounds for divorce. Have fun with your inevitable father complex in 20 years, baby Gemma!
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
The Terminator and former governor of my fair state of California once had an affair with the family housekeeper, Mildred Baena. It's alleged that Maria Shriver walked in on him going down on another woman and his defense was, "Eating isn't cheating." The affair with Baena was heard round the world when their lovechild was born. The boy, Christopher, is now 17 years old (a spitting image of his father), and Arnold recently told Howard Stern that even though it's tough for all the children in the family, the kids try to get along and understand. Shriver and Arnold tried couples counseling which was a "waste of time" and now they are separated. The housekeeper is living life forever attached to this story.
OZZY OSBOURNE
Recently, Ozzy Osbourne had a long running affair celebrity hairdresser, Michelle Pugh, almost three decades younger than him. His wife of 34 years, Sharon Osbourne, found out by searching the fossil's emails. When news broke to the rest of the family (and the public), his daughter Kelly Osbourne took to Twitter to call out Pugh writing, "Anyone looking for cheap chunky LOW-lights a blow out and a blow job call +13239282323 [sic]" And when the inevitable sea of talking Twitter heads responded to her low blow, Kelly shot back. "Are you in my family? NO YOU ARE NOT YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE DID! So keep yr high-mighty opinions to yourself!" "My father is almost 70 ever heard of elder abuse? [sic]"
