Can money really buy you love? Most people agree money can hurt relationships when its not managed properly. But what about if you are very financially stable and looking for love? Does that influence your likelihood of success in romance?
I was watching an investigative journal television show on TV this week about paying for love. And no I dont mean in the traditional form of a mail order bride. The service featured in the show caters to wealthy men who want to have a vacation with a travel companion. Women can sign up on the services website to be swept away by a man who will pay for 100 per cent of all the expenses incurred during the trip. The cameras followed one couple from their first meeting to romantic dinner dates on the beach of Mexico. Much to my surprise the couple is still datinglong distance of course.
The creator of the vacation companion website is a self-proclaimed nerd who admitted that he had difficulty dating when he was growing up. His mother gave him this advice: Focus on your school and find a great job. Once you make lots of money, you will have no problems finding a woman.
Most people dont downplay the fact that they wish they had a little more in the bank. Christina Kiesel from the TV show The Real Housewives of Vancouver speaks openly about how she marries for money. Remember that the institution of marriage was historically created to join assets between two families. It was not for love. These days, there is also a shift towards men wanting to be taken care of financially in a relationship as more women hold higher positions in the workforce with higher wages.
Research has shown that those who are more financially stable experience less stress and this impacts our health positively. However, too little stress can lead to under stimulation and boredom. We are essentially walking a fine line when we apply this logic to finding love.
The key to this answer may be hardwired into our psyche. Having access to money lowers barriers when it comes to attaining instant gratification. This rush from instant gratification creates the same adrenaline that is experienced when we fall in love. Scientists recently tested the power of the word no by visually exposing the word for less than a second to participants. The results showed elevated levels of stress and anxiety by simply exposing that word to a person. When money is no object for a couple, the word no is probably not used very often, adding to the allure of what seems like a wonderful journey to love.
While money can mimic the feeling of love and create opportunities, relationships often draw on something deeper. Peel away the layers of self-indulgence that money can create and the partner you are left with should be someone you can connect with. Creating an emotional attachment is far more beneficial for long-term health because it enhances emotional growth. You can buy infatuation with money but its less likely you can purchase love. Your partner may be there for the better parts of the relationship but not necessarily for the worse.
When one partner relies on the other for their financial well being, there is often a power imbalance in the relationship that can lead to an increased sense of resentment and expectations for a high payoff. You may also be less likely to leave a relationship if there is a high dependence on your partner for financial support. It can be difficult to see your partner as an equal when there is a apparent lack of mutuality within the relationship.
At the end of the day, money does not guarantee love because even millionaires look for love. To feel understood, appreciated and loved grows from close relationships with others and the willingness to open yourself up to someone who loves you for who you are and not what you have.
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Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
