Shimi Kang knew something was out of balance when she found herself yelling at her children to calm down.
The irony did not escape her.
A Harvard-trained doctor, clinical associate professor at UBC and medical director for Vancouver Coastal Health’s child and youth mental health department, she simply went back to her own childhood to figure out a better way of parenting.
She’s recently published The Dolphin Way: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Healthy, Happy and Motivated Kids Without Turning Into a Tiger to help other parents cope with all the modern-day stresses that can make us feel we’re losing control of our lives.
“We are the most informed generation of humans, with the most conveniences, but we have the most stressful lives,” she told the crowd at Sam Sullivan’s Public Salon at Vancouver Playhouse on May 14. “We are in a state of negative evolution.”
In evolution, positive behaviour triggers rewards — our brain releases feel-good dopamine that make us want to do that good behaviour over and over again. How many dopamine-releasing activities have you done lately? Feeling good about your day, your life, your behaviour? Why not?
She’s coined the term “dolphin moms” to counteract the more common “tiger moms” that have evolved in our over-scheduled, over-controlled world. (She’s also coined “jellyfish moms” to describe the more permissive moms at the other end of the spectrum.)
To borrow from dolphin behaviour, she encourages everyone — whether in our roles as parent, spouse, co-worker or friend — to adopt “POD.”
Play — when we play, we develop the frontal part of our brain which allows for abstract thought, the ability to adapt and problem solving.
Others — true connections happen when we bond socially. It allows for meaningful relationships, building community and exchanging ideas.
Downtime — “We’ve become very busy and busy-ness has become a status symbol,” she says, adding that she’s actually prescribed sleep to her patients. “We have to slow down our brains and be mindful.”
As she ended her seven-minute talk, the mother of three told her audience to go out into the world and “play, bond and prosper.”
Read more about Dr. Kang and her book at DrShimiKang.com. She also wrote a column about dolphin parenting on Time online.
