We all do it and its always too late by the time we realize weve made a mistake. Im referring specifically about the things we do in a long-term relationship when we become too comfortable. You can blame it on routine or the progression of how relationships unfold but its all about being self-aware and doing something about it before it gets too late.
Having been in quite a few long-term relationships has taught me a lot. I hear from many people that they reach a point when they simply get bored and wonder if this is it. Before you know it, youre drumming up a list of annoying things about your partner and reasons why you should leave. At this point, the grass has never looked greener on the other side.
The day-to-day life of living with your partner can also drive you crazy. Ive been guilty of nagging my partner and taking my frustrations out on him. The levelheaded part of me just doesnt seem to be able to beat the overly emotional side. All of the sudden, the laundry becomes the centre of an argument that determines whether you stay or go. Things seem to spiral out of control when you get to a certain point and its tough to hold back.
Here are some sure fire ways to ruin your relationship.
1. When you stop showing that your partner matters.
Its easy to take someone for granted when they are there day in and day out. Show your partner how much you appreciate them. It feels nice to know that you are valued and wanted in a relationship.
2. When you nag incessantly.
Most people only want one mother and living with your partner who doubles as your mother is extremely unattractive. You begin to get in a dynamic where you are in trouble and will use techniques much like you did when you were a child to weasel your way out.
3. When you stop putting an effort into how you look.
When youre trading lacey dresses for big pajamas on date night, its a real situation that you have to attend to. Being comfortable and being lazy are two different things.
4. When you stop having sex.
You should never allow a schedule that doesnt permit you to have the time to have sex with your partner. Its a crucial part of bonding.
5. When you tell your partner too much.
This goes to telling your partner the negative things your friends or family say about your partner. In this case, youre causing tension between two important areas of your life and you can be sure youll be stuck between a rock and a hard place.
6. When you always have to be right.
No one liked the know it all in Grade 5 and we still dont. It can be discouraging to feel you are always wrong. We all like to be in the winners circle once in awhile.
7. When youre too critical.
We can all use a little constructive criticism but it does have a time and a place. Pick your battles and use it wisely.
8. When youre more focused on your phone than on your partner.
I dont know about you but when someone is talking to me Id like them to look at me.
9. When you become too needy.
Its great to feel comfortable with someone but it can slowly take over too much of your spare time and emotional space. The key is everything in moderation.
10. When your relationship becomes talking about your relationship.
Just because youre in a relationship doesnt mean your conversations have to center around it all the time. It can be emotionally taxing and overwhelming.
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Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
