Kanye West swears by it and Kim Kardashian definitely endorses it. Heck, anyone who has gone through a separation will probably advise every couple to have one. Im talking about a prenuptial agreement. While most couples who are infatuated or deeply in love are reluctant to draw up a prenuptial agreement, things are only good until it gets bad. For most people, a prenuptial agreement signals a seed of doubt in your relationship and some even describe it as preparing for your relationship to fail. We create fail safes in different areas of our lives from health insurance in case we get sick to something simple like putting on our seatbelts to ensure that we are safe in an accident, so doesnt it make sense that we do it with heartbreak?
It may seem unromantic, pessimistic and even slightly neurotic to engage in this kind of preparatory behaviour but youll probably have more to gain than lose with a prenup. The truth is things are changing and we are now faced with more pressures and options than ever before. Divorce has also become a norm and continues to increase every year. While Im a romantic at heart, Ive also experienced a lot of heartbreak. Things only get more complicated when you live together and share assets. In my younger years, I dated someone who I fell in love with. Just like most relationships, we grew closer and started to think about our future towards walking down the isle. We decided to take the first step and move in. He was one of the nicest guys Ive ever been in a relationship with and to this day we are still friends. However, after I decided that I wasnt prepared to move forward in relationship things changed dramatically.
Upon ending our relationship, I retreated to grieve while he increasingly became hurt and angry. The once generous and nice guy I was in a relationship with was now fighting for my iPod he gave to me for my birthday to the DVDs we both owned. I decided that those things were not worth more than my sanity and gave him whatever he wanted. As things began to cool off, I was able to slowly retrieve some of my DVD, but the iPod is still in his possession to this day. I soon learned that my optimism was blinding me from realizing that when you take away the emotional components of relationship, what you are left with is a shared ownership of things.
Its not odd to feel uncomfortable about telling your partner you want a prenuptial agreement. It doesnt say anything about you or the relationship that someone wants that. In many cases, if you are in possession of a large amount of assets coming into a relationship it can be unsettling to think about the financial consequences of a failed relationship. If you think youre scot-free because youre not married, its time to reconsider with the new enactment of family law. The new law states that:
Couples who have lived together in a marriage or marriage-like relationship for two or more years are considered spouses and are treated the same as married couples. Under the new act, spouses will generally share the family property that either of them own at the time of separation. This does not include property owned before the relationship (except any increase in the value of that property).
The new law also adds that you can inherit the debt your partner accumulates during your relationship. It only makes sense that we prepare and enable our relationship to be the best it can be even when it comes to the possibility of separation.
Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
