In 2009, researchers released the figure that one in 16 Americans suffered from clinical narcissistic personality disorder. Those who suffer from this disorder often experience excessive self-love, vanity and lack of consideration from those around them. It affects them in their ability to maintain or create close relationships.
I hear an increased number of people disclose that they are opting out of relationships because they are unwilling to let go of the attention from potential partners. Social media outlets such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram have provided a perfect foundation for vanity. The idea of selfies use to send my stomach turning and status updates about our daily activities left me wondering: does anyone really care? Apparently we do.
We can be much more vocal about what we really think through social media. We no longer have to wonder if someone really likes our outfit or what we think. The stamp of approval and validation is loud and clear with a like for the world to see. Everyone can be a celebrity through social media and the spotlight is always on as long as there are people liking it. Personally, I prefer the good old days of not always knowing what people thought at every turn. It encourages personal contact when social media is not available but those days have changed and is probably not returning any time soon.
Dont get me wrong, social media can be helpful in keeping people connected and its probably because of it that you are reading this article right now. However, too much of it can be dangerous to our personal and mental health especially when our self worth is hanging in the balance. In a society when we care constantly fed the message that we deserve only the best and can create anything we want, its difficult to see past ourselves to include another person. We never have to get close enough to be hurt and just far enough to fulfill our daily need of self-validation when it comes to social media.
Were not afraid to say that we think were hot and everyone is fighting for the top spot. Modesty is on its way out and seen as insecurity or that reserved for someone with low self-esteem. Were now subscribing to the if you know it, own it mentally and its making people question if anyone is really good enough for them. Now we are quickly closing the doors to experiences that take time away from us. Im now hearing people say I dont have time nor do I want to have to deal with a partner being upset. I dont want to have to be there for someone. That statement always makes an impact on me and I ask in return if they would want their potential partner to be there for them. The answer is always yes.
It seems that looking out for number one is taking on a whole new meaning and when the dream of having it all appears to be attainable, we are willing to sacrifice close relationships for it. When the scale of giving and taking is disproportionately imbalanced, we may be dimming the light on what it means to create intimacy and love.
Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
