We’ve all been guilty of faking elation for a friend or family member’s upcoming nuptials. Whether it’s your friend’s emotionally abusive or annoying know it all fiancé, nobody wants to be the one to say they can probably do better. Marrying the wrong person clearly isn’t a new phenomenon and having to pull out the “I told you so card” as your friend is on the brink of divorce can almost be too much to bear.
It’s definitely a sensitive subject to bring up if you are concerned about a loved one’s relationship. Saying how you really feel could put your relationship with that person in jeopardy. It’s safe to say that you can do some serious damage if you are not careful. I’ve definitely been on both sides of the fence and have sadly ended friendships because of what they had to say about someone I dated. In that moment, it had more to do with cutting out the tension between the person I dated and my friends. Hindsight is 20/20 and I must say that most of what my friends predicted ended up being true.
To navigate through these dangerous waters, here are some recommendations you can choose or not choose to take:
1. Ask questions: Make sure you have all the facts before you jump to conclusions. Try to understand the perspective of your loved one.
2. Pay attention to where your information source comes from: Gossip should be taken with a grain of salt. It’s common for friends to focus on negative second hand information versus positive.
3. Accept that sometimes people have to learn the hard way: It’s an age-old conception that can’t be refuted. As much as we try to avoid heartbreak sometimes you just have to learn the hard way.
4. Don’t be confrontational: This is for those who have struck the gavel for a guilty bad boyfriend/girlfriend verdict. You want to be a good listener and be gentle. It’s similar to talking someone off the edge.
5. Be willing to accept the choices of your loved one: This one is often the hardest for people when you have to bear witness to a broken heart. However, when the distraction of fighting with everyone is put out of the way, there is more room for reflection, which is often when the magic happens.
We’re not all in the know when it comes to matters of the heart or what a person really sees in their partner. Everybody eventually comes to their senses whether they want to not. The truth is faking happiness is not an easy thing and it applies to all relationships. My advice after been through this experience is to really look into what your friends or family is saying. They are only concerned with your happiness.
Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected].
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