Spending time with the guys is probably one of the most important activities for men that go hand in hand with watching sports. I often wonder what my boyfriend is scurrying off to and what exactly goes on during guy time. Theres no doubt that hes often happy when he returns but little is said in terms of the details of the conversation. So what do men talk about with the boys and what do they do? I suspect its a slightly different variation of shopping and catching up over martinis.
While some men decide to stick to the bro code of keeping the vault closed on what goes on at guy time, I was able to probe some information from others.
1. Sports: Most guys love their sports and its a point of connection for them. They bond over shared activities and its a great way to keep things light when they hang out. It can also serve as an escape from all the real world problems that we all endure. I guess sports are to guys as fashion is to girls.
2. Relationships/dating: Talking about the opposite sex or a potential interest is tempting since it this issue permeates culture. Relationship status has also traditionally been tied to overall wellness and people often use this as a heuristic for insight into how someone is doing. If youre in a relationship, this is a good way to also bond on shared issues.
3. Work: In North America, work has a large impact on self worth and identity. There is huge pressure for success in todays culture and its undoubtedly a chief concern for men.
4. Money: I dont think this one is gender specific. Money provides a sense of security for people and is usually a cause of stress for many.
5. Gossip about other friends: This one is pretty straightforward and we all do this.
6. Things that grind their gears: This covers everything from epic stories to just about anything that really bugs you.
As a caveat, guys also disclosed that what they talk about varies with age and maturity. At a younger age, men tend to talk about what they have.
Its really all about establishing yourself as the top dog in the group when youre younger whether its a hot girl you had sex with or the latest successful venture, says my friend Tom.
The conversation for men who are in committed relationships also changes to topics that are centred on stability such as work, financial status and commitment. Its not surprising that most people spend most time with friends that are similar to them in some ways. Its probably one of the oldest forms of therapy for both men and women to confide or talk to their friends.
I also wondered what was the big secret? Why are men hanging to the bro code of silence? The no girls allowed rule just got more interesting.
Men are often worried that women would feel somewhat offended by what they say to other men. However, the number one reason those men chose not to disclose is because they are concerned with how it would reflect on them. It is also somewhat comforting to know that men are open with their friends with whats going on in their lives and are able to elicit and receive support.
Perhaps the most surprising aspect of guy talk is their willingness to disclose their financial situation to their friends compared to women.
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Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
