Weve all done it wish we hadnt said something we should have probably kept to ourselves. Unfortunately, even though hindsight may be 20/20 its not a whole lot of fun repenting for your mistake. Blurting out exactly whats on your mind may not be the wisest move but many of us engage in some form of verbal diarrhea once in awhile. You see this happening after couples have a few more drinks than they probably should and the result is a messy scene of tears in public followed by embarrassing stares from onlookers. Its become a tradition on my stroll home from work every Saturday night to see a distressed couple fighting. and often in tears. on Granville Street which hosts Vancouvers nightlife.
A couple weeks ago, I was at a red light when I noticed a couple arguing on the street. As the noticeably enraged man tried to flee the conversation, the woman pursued. They leaped in front of traffic during a dramatic lovers quarrel as the man repeatedly pushed the woman away and almost onto oncoming vehicles several times. There were tears, dramatic gestures and arguing. I couldnt help but wonder what happened to the modesty of keeping relationship conflict out of the public eye?
Whether youre in a new or established relationship the landmines are always there. The difference is couples in established relationships are often more experienced in navigating around issues that trigger their partner. In general, men and women are triggered by issues that threaten their relationship or sense of security.
1. Talking about the ex: Nobody needs a front row seat to the ins and outs of your lost love especially your partner. It can make your current partner feel overshadowed by your past.
2. Discussing how your partner looks: This is a sensitive subject for many people in general. Tread lightly. A straight critique or comment is less helpful than action and support.
3. Talking about how attractive someone else looks: In this case, less is more. Details are not necessary.
4. The negative rant about your partners close friends and family: Youre not obligated to like anyone but what you say about the people closest to your partner can affect your relationship.
5. Bringing up old wounds: No one likes to be reminded of their mistakes.
If talking about an issue is a must, there is a right time and place for it.
1. Dont talk about relationship issues when youre intoxicated.
2. Dont talk in a public place and dont make it everyones business.
3. Dont hash your issues over Facebook or social media.
4. Make sure that youre not in a bad mood before approaching the topic.
Some things are better left unsaid and experienced couples are wise in choosing their battles and not sweat the small stuff because it is just thatsmall stuff.
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Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
