Girl/guy talk is one of the topics that are sure to pop up in any get together with your friends. We debrief our friends about the dating scene or our partner. Most conversations about relationships unfortunately focus on the negative. One reason for this is societys focus on the negative and what we lack. Even though the prescribed recommendation in dealing with our issues is to talk to someone, is it always a good idea?
If we talk too little about our partner, it often signals lack of interest in our partner. Too much talk will involve all your friends in your relationship and anything past two is a crowd. Support is a great thing but its often what you say about your partner that makes all the difference. Putting your partner down to your closest friends may be more detrimental for both parties involved. It can also make it strenuous on the relationship between your friends and partner when the storm has passed.
It wasnt too long ago that I decided to go for a solo lunch and was naturally seated behind a group of girls lunching. For the entire hour and a half, each girl regaled their stories of recent dating woes and boyfriend issues. Each story told was followed up by another that was just as disturbing and heartbreaking. Each girl then put forth some form of advice and quick assessment of the boyfriend, which was reduced to judgment. Its difficult for people that are close to you see you hurt and they often will not forget how someone has wronged you. Just remember that your words may come back to bite you if you and your partner make up.
As I sat there listening to what these ladies brunching were saying about the very people they loved, I can only imagine how their partners would feel. Your words have the power to end your relationship and colour the way your friends see it. We look for approval to validate that our partner is who we should be with. Its the very reason why the approval of parents and close friends are viewed as crucial in relationships. We value what others say as much as our own.
If you have found yourself in a situation where your friends are less than fond of your partner because of what you said in the past, it may be wise to help them understand the reasons behind what you said. Try to integrate your friends and partner by doing joined activities. If both sides have your happiness at heart, they will make an effort to meet in the middle and stay open.
A momentary disclosure growing out of passion can really cost you in the long run. As much as you want to get your friends on your side of the camp think before you speak. At the end of the day you will be saving more than one relationship if you do.
***
Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
