Ive always noticed that summer brings out the drama in relationships and this year is no different. The sun gets a little bit brighter and appears to also bring a new light on how people view their relationships. Were more social during the summer time, which probably has a lot to do with an influx of people dating during this season compared to its close competitor at Christmas.
In the recent weeks, Ive been approached with summer romance, engagement call offs and insensitive comments by partners about their partners weight. This is the perfect time to outline some common issues around summer time so lets get to it.
On summer romance:
Although a new relationship is exciting for most and summer time is certainly the perfect time for it since the weather is conducive for entertainment around the city, several people have asked me if its possible turn a sexual relationship into a committed relationship. Its important to probably stress a definitive yes on that question. However, just because a person is coming back for sex doesnt mean they are committed to just you. If exclusivity is what youre seeking, presenting yourself as an option for more than sex is a good start. Keeping your hands off each other may be tough in the beginning but youre also doing yourself a disservice by typecasting yourself into a single category with your partner. Sexual attention is great but too much sex can also land you in the booty call zone.
On engagement call offs:
This may be an odd one for some and a transient thought for others who are engaged but its also a worthwhile topic to explore. It seems strange to many people on why someone would even propose if they werent sure. Engagement is the next step towards marriage and also a time of transition. Partners mentally prepare themselves for one of the most important commitments they will make in their lives. People begin to contemplate what they are letting go and gaining in return. It also doesnt help that common conceptions associated to marriage such as being locked down and settling down make the idea of marriage unappealing.
Its also a huge weight to call off an engagement. The first is obviously breaking your partners heart but just because youre not into breaking someones heart doesnt mean you should stay in a relationship. The second is dealing with all your close friends and family about the engagement call off. It may be uncomfortable to break the news but its much better than saying youre getting divorced after six weeks of marriage (case in point: Kim Kardashians marriage). Finally, people are also concerned about answering the question of what does this say about me? Although being the person to break up with someone usually earns you the title of the jerk (even if its for the right reasons), you would be a bigger jerk for treating someone less than they deserve because youre stuck in a relationship you dont want to be in.
Calling your partner out on their weight:
Its kind of a no brainer but trust me its still happening to couples. Being beach ready and slipping back into that dress can be a rude awakening that its time to hit the gym. Most people have skewed perceptions about their weight and how they actually look. Most women around summer feel like they could lose a couple more pounds and criticize each and every part of their body. It certainly doesnt help when your partner points out that youre fat. When someone else comments on your weight, it somehow seems more real and validates the negative self-thoughts in your head. If you want your partner to lose weight and get healthy, suggest going for walks or working out together. Telling someone theyre fat is less helpful than you think.
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Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
