When it comes to the divide between men and women, the topic has been debated for what feels like since the beginning of time. The divide between sexes is set in place to understand the differences and were lead to believe that men are often logical while women are more emotional. Its no surprise that Freud even described unstable emotional disturbances in women attributed to disturbances of the uterus called hysteria in the 1890s. During that time, men were also believed to have been more intelligent because they had larger brains.
Its not a surprise that women were not seen as self sufficient or intelligent until they entered the workforce. Today, we see more women in higher positions and making more money than ever before. The gap between men and women is starting to close and with this so are our views of relationships. Women are now less inhibited about sex, marriage and career. However, even with this knowledge of how things have shifted, men still often believe that theyre the ones who have a higher libido than women. A large part of this is due to the bombardment of messages in the media that men are hypersexual and think about sex more frequently than women.
In a recent article from New York Magazine, Ann Friedman revealed that men are often confused by a womans sexual persuasions. Furthermore, a recent study by a German researcher showed that emotional intimacy and stable, long-term monogamy actually lowers a womans sex drive. Its plausible that evolutionary psychologists can argue that a womans sex drive decreases in a long-term relationship because they are more focussed on nesting. Just last week, Vogue also released a story by Karley Sciortino who asserts that women think about sex a lot. She argues that men often prefer to believe that women dont think about sex as much to reinforce the idea of purity through some form of de-sexualization.
Its not surprising that after talking to a small sample of 10 men, most believe that a woman who highly sexualizes herself is a less attractive choice for a long-term partner. Most men also said they would be somewhat embarrassed and feel emasculated by a woman with a higher sex drive compared to them. The variability in responses was largely attributed to where a man was in his life in terms of stability. Those who were in less stable occupations and lifestyle were more likely to pursue a woman who is sexually liberal.
So what do women want? According to author Daniel Bergner for Time Health, its not monogamy. He unlocks the key to a new kind of evolved female where a sexual desire fuels the fire of a relationship and individuals. This brings forth an interesting perspective on evolution. While evolutionary psychology attempts to explain sexual motivation and mating, our species has evolved to adapt to the changes in society since our ancestral times. A womans sexual desire may very well have been there all along, but the difference is we now have the means to voice it.
This could very well be great news for men out there. To sum it all up, women think about sex and probably want it more than you think. A lowered sexual desire is likely to be attributed to a high workload and lack of rest. There is a benefit to helping your partner with household chores and tasks. It could mean more time to have sex.
Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
