It seems like the only people staying together these days are my parents and those belonging to their generation. Whether youre traditional and enter marriage vows or if youre simply cohabiting with your partner for 10 years, staying in a happy relationship is difficult. Some may argue that generations dont differ in the ease of relationships and that all relationships are bound to have trials and tribulations. So if were not all that different, why are so many people finding it hard to stay?
I dont think anyone can ignore the fact that divorce is now predominant within society. Its become a new norm and relationships are being boiled down to contractual agreements and consolidation of assets. If we worked as hard on our relationships as we do our career, perhaps relationships everywhere might have a fighting chance. There are several reasons why we fall prey to breaking up, and it has a lot to do with our sense of entitlement.
Reason #1: Social Media
I hate to rain on social medias parade because it connects us to those who matter (and some who dont) but it also ties us to exes, one-night stands and any guy or girl that was remotely a contender for your heart. This means you are privy to status updates and relationship status updates. If you have a big enough circle of friends, you may be graced with the bone chilling news of them dating someone you know. Remember when breaking up basically meant a cease and desist order on communication? Well, those days are gone and the chances of an old love attempting to reignite a flame is now an instant message away.
Reason #2: Were no about compromise
Society has moved towards a stage where independence is valued and seen as a key to success. Were all about trying to have our cake and eating it too. We juggle multiple roles to build the life around us from work to parenting and taking care of ourselves. Where does our partner go and when do we have time for them? Sacrifice is seen as a burden rather than a way to work together. More than ever were facing the tough decision of taking care of ourselves and compromising part of that for our relationship. Were also fearful of getting hurt or having failed at a relationship (news flash: 99 per cent of people probably have failed a relationship at some point in their life). Lets avoid sugar coating anything and admit that were more selfish now than ever.
Reason #3: Options, options and yes more options
Its a common belief that having lots of options is great. This means you dont have to settle right? Not quite. Imagine going into a grocery for salad dressing, a task which should take about 10 minutes maximum (11 if youre indecisive). In an average grocery store, there are approximately 30 different kinds of dressing and youre flooded with too many options. Youre more confused than ever and making a decision now becomes harder than ever. Some people may choose to simply walk away at that point. Finding a partner takes the same lead in many senses. We can find a partner using multiple networks and committing to one person is less appealing when you have hundreds of potential mates to be matched with.
Reason #4: Were getting bored
We live in a world where were constantly being stimulated with images and social network updates that excite us. We have a front row seat of the grass on the other side of the fence and were giving into temptation. We have an ideal of perfection and getting lazy when it comes to working on our relationships. If its broken, were no longer fixing it. After all, the message is that you can get a better one out there. I hear people say things like well we dont have anything in common. The truth is commonality isnt the deal breaker for a successful relationship. If youre willing to stay open and listen, you may learn new things about your partner that will renew your interest in them.
If youre going to take away one thing from this article, remember this: Youre not entitled to success or true love, you have to work on it, and fail, so you can learn what it truly looks like.
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Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
