I finally figured out how to use my stupid email, so this week I'm responding to readers' sexy questions. If you have a question about love, sex, or life, email me at [email protected] and I'll give you my two cents.
What’s your thought on the phrase "making love"? Is there a difference between that and fucking? My boyfriend and I argue about it all the time.
Oh, the constant debate of what to call sex. What exactly is it you and your boyfriend fight about? I don’t want to assume things based on your gender so I’m just going to let it fly and go with how I handle the terminology.
My husband and I have a lot of inside jokes going between us. I think that’s just what happens when you spend 24/7 with someone and those jokes continue even into your sex life.
We do not fight about the debate between “making love” or “fucking” because when you have solidified mutual respect, it’s not even a question. I think that’s probably where your problem lies: “making love” (even though it can be corny and bring thoughts of a Danielle Steel novel) assumes that the act of sex is respectful and loving, while “fucking” on the other hand sounds aggressive, possessive and, if you are the one being fucked and not doing the fucking, can feel degrading.
When I spent a week with the porn star Jesse Jane, she told me that she does not like intimacy, she only wants to be fucked - even in her personal life. That whole idea of “making love” repulses her. Maybe that’s her own subconscious issue, but when it comes down to sex, it’s deeply personal.
Sex has power dynamics (just like every other relationship in this world) but it hits us hard in our deepest hole (pun totally intended). Making love seems to encompass a respect whereas fucking assumes the power is in the hands of one body.
It does not have to be that way, of course, it’s all how you look at it.
I think fucking is an empowering term and it’s all about your own perspective. I don’t know about you, but I always fuck back even when I am being fucked or else it just isn’t very fun. Sex is about pleasure, so instead of arguing about the two seemingly opposed terms, just talk about your relationship. It sounds like the fight is coming from somewhere deeper and maybe that will end up fixing your whole battle. Talking and sex: the two greatest things a couple can do. Open up that mouth and get started.
I love sexting but I am constantly in fear of people seeing what’s going on on my phone, because my kids, my colleagues, they all have access to my phone at certain times. I would like to assume that most people do not snoop, but I’m a little paranoid of dick pics and sexual texts being seen. What should I do?
I think that many people share this common fear. I, personally, am of the school that you have nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to sexting and flirting via your iPhone, while also realizing there are many things you want to keep private, especially when your co-workers and your children are concerned.
Last thing Little Timmy needs to see if some graphic photo forcing you to have a conversation about sex you were hoping would not happen for at least a few more years.
I recently got tipped off to this new app called Plume. Right now it’s only available for the iPhone, but I believe the creators are working on an Android version too. Basically, this app (which is password protected) allows you to sext with as many people as you like while safety storing all your nude photos, graphic content and sexts within the app and not anywhere else on your phone. There is a “Boss Button” which you hit and the screen automatically turns black.
Plume also has 400 sensual and sexual emojis that go beyond the fisted hand and the eggplant we all know to appeal to a much more diverse and sexually mature audience (adult emojis, you get it).
For singles on the make, there’s a “Virtual Best Friend” (a switch you turn on which sends you a notification when you start to drunk text someone you warned the system you should not be texting) and a safe blocking feature that insures you can rid those you no longer want to sext without the same animosity “blocking” someone normally causes. I suggest you download Plume and give it a try. Happy sexting!
