Famous cultural critic Fran Lebowitz knows what she thinks is appropriate when it comes to fashion. But Lebowitz is romantic, old-school-New-York to the bone from her personally tailored blazers and tortoise shell glasses that, embarrassingly enough, as she claims, cost as much as a car. She has a “look” that most hot-blooded straight men would not find sexy, but she does not care. Her dignity and style override her need for sex appeal at her professional stature and age.
Lebowitz recently stated that “men in shorts are disgusting.” The 64-year-old writer sat down with Elle to talk about style and lamented for hours her entertaining thoughts on the sloppy, lackadaisical looks of today’s young people: messy hair, revealing clothing or shorts. Her basic rule of thumb was this: 0.1 per cent of the population is naturally beautiful and therefore, can pull off not caring about how they adorn their bodies with material, the rest of us naturally born uglies should pay more attention to chic.
“I have to say that one of the biggest changes in my lifetime, is the phenomenon of men wearing shorts,” Lebowtiz said. “Men never wore shorts when I was young. There are few things I would rather see less, to tell you the truth. I’d just as soon see someone coming toward me with a hand grenade. This is one of the worst changes, by far. It’s disgusting. To have to sit next to grown men on the subway in the summer, and they’re wearing shorts? It’s repulsive…My fashion advice, particularly to men wearing shorts: Ask yourself, ‘Could I make a living modeling these shorts?’ If the answer is no, then change your clothes. Put on a pair of pants.”
The question of men in shorts. It constantly lingers.
Vancouver men do not seem to understand this, nor do they care. I think it’s a West Coast thing. I wrote about Vancouver’s fashion problems in a VICE column back in 2012. People were enraged. (It blows my mind that so many readers have yet to accept the tone of VICE.)
Larry David would agree with Lebowtiz. Don’t you remember that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm when David scolds a man for wearing shorts on an airplane because he doesn’t think one man should force another man to look at his “grotesque” legs? David believes that keeping your ugly, pale, 50-plus man legs hidden is a social responsibility in the civilized world that all men must follow (and that goes for women with hairy legs too.) Perhaps he is “uptight”. Or maybe he’s right?
What is so wrong about a man in shorts? Nothing, if said man is doing a physical activity that requires his legs to breathe or swimming or hanging out alone in extreme heat. Neither David or Lebowitz would condone a man sprawled out in a hot tub in a three-piece suit just to save face. However, specific items of clothing (like shorts), which are functional, should stay in the realm of functionality. You do not take a date out to dinner in shorts. That’s almost as idiotic as riding a motorcycle in flip-flops (which I have seen people do many times here in Los Angeles.)
I know it’s extremely hypocritical for me to sit here and tell men what to wear on their bodies, especially since I have spent most of my life barking at others to leave their opinions about my fashion choices to themselves. I am aware, but most people will agree: a straight man (gay men are excused, they know the rules) in shorts is sexually unappealing. Maybe it’s because shorts make them look like children? Maybe it’s because a man’s leg hair is messy, like a tangle of faint spider webs, and you just want to vacuum it off? Or maybe it’s just simply for the fact that the most physically appealing part of a man’s body is nowhere past his knees?
I don’t have an answer and I know I am being totally unfair, but life is unfair and you, sir, are drying up my vagina in those shorts.
EMAIL MISH
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