When I come home to my wife at the end of the day, I know better than to ask, What did you do today?
On the days she doesnt work, she accomplishes a myriad of tasks that magically make the lives of everyone in our family run smoothly. Bills are paid, appointments made and events planned. No one is left waiting for a ride to school, music lessons or practice. No one is hungry.
Motherly magic is largely invisible. We dont appreciate it until its gone. The days when my wife is out of town are long days indeed.
Good parents teach their children the essentials, and they teach best by behaviour rather than words. We internalize for good or ill the lessons of our parents.
This season has been a difficult one for my sister and me since our mothers unexpected death 10 years ago.
My mother modelled unconditional love. She appreciated and expected the best in us but forgave us for being imperfect and making mistakes. She lived a life of selflessness, generosity and compassion. Her circle of concern seemed to expand without boundaries.
She inspired us to give the best of ourselves. This was not to please her because her love was unconditional. When someone appreciates the best in you, you come to see it yourself.
I imagine how different life would have been had my mother been alive for the past 10 years. She would have loved spending time with my children. She would have been there for all their sports, recitals, school concerts and graduations.
She adored them as little children, and she would have adored them as they grew. We would have enjoyed her great meals and all the holidays that she would make special, and every one of my birthdays would have continued to be a celebration.
But I realize that my mother has been with me all along. Though she has not been here to teach my children, I have tried to pass her lessons on to them. I can only give forward what she has given to me.
I often remind my patients to be good moms to themselves. I ask them to channel their inner mom. We all have one deep down inside just like the inner six pack. Some have to take a big breath in and dig deeper. Most of us tend to be hard on ourselves critical, judgmental and unforgiving. We could all use a little more compassion for others and ourselves. Many of us dont give ourselves the care we need.
Here are four ways to be a better mom to yourself direct orders from your inner mom.
1) Go to bed. Make sure you get enough rest. Youll perform better at school and work in the morning, and you wont get run down and sick.
2) Go out and play. Get some physical activity every day. Its essential for your emotional and physical wellbeing.
3) Eat your vegetables. Dont skip meals and dont ruin your appetite with junk food. Though not everyone can eat an early breakfast, we all need regular snacks and meals to get through the day.
4) You can do better. Your inner mom may not be talking about your partner or spouse. See the best in yourself and be inspired to do your best. Move towards your positive potential.
Dr. Davidicus Wong is a family physician at the PrimeCare Medical Centre. His column appears regularly in this paper. You can read more about achieving your positive potential for health at davidicuswong.wordpress.com.
