"Here is something to make you never want to have kids," my friend texted me the other day. "My son took a shit on the floor. Like a huge fucking log and was like 'sorry'."
My friend is in the midst of toilet-training her toddler (who is not even three years old) while also caring for her one-month old newborn. When her husband is at work all day, she juggles like a pro.
"At least he pulled down his pants," I responded.
"Well, he wasn't wearing pants because five minutes earlier he pissed himself. My husband just started laughing."
I would have laughed too. Only at the age of two can someone get away with taking a shit on the floor.
It's insanely gross, but that's a part of raising children. They don't come out of the womb fully equipped to wipe their own butts.
Babble author Lauren Hartmann recently wrote about her struggles with being a mother (how did she find time to write this post between the making of "873 snacks”?). "Motherhood can be mind-numbingly mundane," she said, admitting she was in another "funk". "And pretty much every day is the same as the last."
Hartmann describes the repetitive routine of waking up unacceptably early, making food all day long, cleaning up, reading the same books over and over while refereeing the constant meltdowns, breaking up fights and repeating the rules. Don't we all get this bored with our "work"? My profile on the latest trending pop star is not nearly as important as Hartmann's job of shaping human life. Her stakes are way higher.
In a recent interview with BBC Radio 4's Woman Hour, former Sex and the City actress Kim Cattrall, 59, said something that enraged mothers everywhere.
“I am not a biological parent, but I am a parent,” Cattrall said. “I didn’t change nappies, which is okay with me, but I did help my niece get through medical school. I did sit down with my nephew when he was [going through] a very tough time to join the army. And those are very motherly things to do, very nurturing things to do. There is a way to become a mother in this day and age which doesn’t include your name on the child’s birth certificate.”
Twitter exploded. Mothers blasted Cattrall for her sentiment. "That's like saying u can relate to cancer cause u no someone with it [sic]," one mother tweeted. Arguments about linguistics sprung up with many woman agreeing that had Cattrall said "maternal" or even "mother figure", no one would be upset, but to use the title "mother" was offensive. Cattrall fought back, claiming these definitions of motherhood were "narrow-minded", relying on the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" thing. But what was this argument really about besides two groups of women feeling territorial over their own life decisions?
The other day, I spent the day with my friend and her two babies. Every time I come and visit, I get to be Auntie Mish who spoils the toddler rotten with presents and listens to all the crazy things batting around in his brain. I get to be a special part in his development, a small part of his family, but void of any responsibility. I don't have to be the one to remind him to finish his snack or set boundaries and limitations so he'll clean up his toys before being rewarded by going out to the park. I don't have to be on the receiving end of shrieking and tantrums. I don't have to worry that I am shaping him into a conscious, intelligent, respectful human being. And I do not have to be the one to reprimand him when he takes a dump on the floor. So, I'm not a mother. I'm not even close.
But what about the biological mothers who give their children up for adoption? And what about the women who raise them? What about stepmothers or relatives who take on the responsibility of raising a child when the biological parents aren't suitable? What about siblings who are forced to raise one another? What does it really mean to be a mother?
I never thought I wanted to be a mother until I met my husband. I always figured that I didn't have it in me, mostly because I come from a generation that has devalued motherhood by default of raising up the career woman. Personally, I think modern feminism needs to glorify the housewife again. Motherhood (regardless of biological connection) is a thankless, penniless position that is one of the most important in the human species. My job is a joke compared to raising children.
