I don’t have deal breakers because I am a doormat that hates perfection. Just kidding. I have a laundry list of them. I am an all-surface bitch and my husband is really a saint. But everyone talks about their “deal breakers”: habits like smoking, wearing mesh, smacking their gum or drinking before noon. (This is why its imperative you don’t give away all your neuroses and disgusting habits within the first few months. Play the game, idiot.) But when you actually like someone, do these interpersonal faux pas even matter? I asked some totally normal people about their deal breakers.
“This girl and I dated around 2009. We bonded over the fact that we both hated sour cream (in addition to other things, of course). I remember the last day I ever spent at her place. We ordered nachos from some Mexican spot and they showed up smothered in sour cream. She just slurped all that shit up. I sat there thinking, 'Not only do I feel like I don’t know this person at all anymore, but I have been completely deceived.” She told me not to look at her.' –Devon, Brookyln, New York
“I’m done and ready to dump someone the first moment they do anything to make me afraid of them, such as raising their voice at me, especially in an unreasonable situation. I also can’t stand it if I witness them speaking or behaving in an abusive or cruel manner to another person. Anything like that will always lead to worse behaviour. I had an ex whose abuse started with snappish, snide remarks about my appearance, weight, musical taste and other things; within a year he publicly assaulted me twice, and killed my pets in front of me.” –Layla, Seattle, Washington
“I refuse to sleep with mouth-breathers.” –Candy, Las Vegas, Nevada
“I cannot deal with slobs. If a person does not keep a clean home and instead has piles of clothes all over, shit thrown around, the floor unswept, toilet bowl ringed with film and the table counters sticky, I walk. It obviously means that we will never see eye to eye on what is acceptable living circumstances, and probably will never progress to being that serious a couple. If we can’t co-habitate, what’s the point? I don’t negotiate with pigs.” –Maya, Halifax, Nova Scotia
“I dated a pill head for years who was hiding it from me. I guess I was obviously too tied up in my work, but when she started stealing from me, and later my family, I woke the hell up. Anyone who dabbles in the world of pharmaceutical opiates is my red flag. Never again. I won’t even date someone who uses the leftover pain pills from dental surgery. Have you ever dated someone severely addicted to pain medication? I won’t ever again. A whiff of that and I am gone.” –Jake, Bakersfield, California
"I once stopped dating a man because he refused to get a vacuum. He cleaned his rug by picking every speck of dirt up between his finger and thumb, while on his hands and knees." –Hallie, Brooklyn, New York
“Any man who lets his dog lick or ‘kiss’ his mouth absolutely repulses me. Dogs lick their own genitals, eat feces and let other shit-eating dogs lick their genitals, too. Think of the spit swapping. I have dumped people after seeing their interactions with their dogs. In fact, I stay away from dog owners altogether.” –Kylie, Los Angeles, California
“If I can figure someone out too quickly, I get over them really fast and don't care at all about them. Boring people are easy to figure out. There's nothing worse than a boring person trying to not be boring by acting overly wacky or quirky. I like the mystery in someone I can't figure out. Even some people who are open books usually have weird mysteries about them, regardless of what excess amount of intimate things about themselves they divulge. Also, if I'm smarter than someone I get bored. But, at the same time, I think I'm usually smarter than everyone. I get bored fast. [Laughs]” –Cole, Los Angeles, CA
