When you meet a potential person that you are interested in dating, there may be several things you look for during initial meeting. Things like how attracted you are to the person, how well the conversation is going and usually at some point we look down at their finger to look for the sign of a wedding ring.
But many married people dont wear their wedding ring.
There are of course many reasons why people might not wear their ring such as dangers associated with wearing metals in a particular occupation. My parents only wear their wedding rings when they are in a social setting but not while they work together. It seems to work for them but many people are nervous at the idea of their partner without their rings. The common belief is that those who dont wear it may not be as committed to their relationship as those who display it proudly.
I have heard several stories of people going on multiple dates with someone only to find out after a significant amount of contact that they are in fact married. When confronted with the inevitable question of why they didnt disclose this information earlier, the response is usually an ambivalent one. The answer for non-disclosure could be as simple as the thrill of receiving attention from someone they find attractive.
Another example of non-disclosure occurs on Facebook where many people have consciously made a choice to keep silent about their relationship status. Many people tell me that the reason they dont disclose on Facebook is because they simply do not believe that it is anyones business. This could make some people nervous and wonder if there is a deeper meaning behind it especially if their partner is the one engaging in this behaviour.
A recent article by Dr. Dario Maestripieri from the University of Chicago addresses the lack of research associating trends when it comes to what it means when people choose selectively not to wear their wedding rings. The symbol of unity in marriage differs between cultures and does not always come in the form of a ring.
Wedding rings can act as a deterrent against anyone who has a romantic interest in your partner. However, results from the only study conducted regarding the power of wedding rings found that there was no difference in terms of desirability when it came to a person who is wearing a wedding ring versus one that is not. Marketers have also chimed in on this issue and developed an anti-cheating wedding ringan engraving on the inside of the ring will leave an impression on the skin that says Im married when the ring is taken off.
Ultimately, a wedding ring wont stop anyone from cheating because many people still continue to cheat with it on. If your partner is thinking about cheating, keeping a wedding ring on him or her will not resolve the issue leading to second thoughts about the marriage. Its equivalent to treating the symptom and not the cause.
Both men and women have expressed to me that they perceived their social desirability to be lowered when people know they are married. They believe strangers are less likely to be close friends with them, compliment them on their attractiveness and approach them to engage in a conversation. I also often hear from single people that they start to deviate away from their married friends because they feel that they can no longer relate to them. In these cases, there is a clear segregation between married and non-married people based on their marital status. If wearing the wedding ring were the smoking gun to lowered social desirability then it would make sense that married people would avoid wearing it.
Marriage is a rite of passage in our society and groups individuals into a category that superimposes certain expectations of how we interact with each other. The issue of what it means when spouses decided to not wear their wedding ring is open for deliberation. For many, the ring is a symbol of the promises they made to their partner on that special day. Maybe when we love someone, we are drawn towards surrounding ourselves with the very presence of what reminds us of our partner and the wedding ring is that very vehicle driving the force.
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Amy Yew is a researcher and therapist. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected]. You can also tweet your thoughts on Twitter @AmyYew.
