According to a new UK study, British men (who are basically Canadian) believe that they do experience a monthly man period.
The study gathered 2,412 people (split evenly between men and women). The male subjects were asked if they felt that they suffered the same common side effects of premenstrual syndrome that women experience during their menstrual cycle, including "tiredness, cramps and increased sensitivity." Some men reported bloating, increased appetite, being "sensitive" about weight gain and general irritability. Apparently, the average British man who believes he is having a phantom period spends an extra $81.53 per month on food and snacks.
Of the 26 per cent of men who believed that they were having their own masculine menstrual moment, 58 per cent of the women actually believed their bullshit. To make life easier, 43 per cent of those believers of their bleeding boyfriends said they walked around eggshells (39 per cent) and tried to cheer him up (44 per cent), while 33 per cent of women shook their heads and rolled their eyes.
Psychotherapist Jed Diamond is one of the few progressives who believe men do get PMS. In fact, he's written two books about it: Male Menopause and The Irritable Male Syndrome.
“Contrary to what is often assumed, men become violent when their testosterone levels go down and whilst we traditionally associate are with high testosterone," he told the Telegraph. "I have found that irritability, depression and withdrawal come with a deficiency of the hormone."
Diamond is the only one waving the uterus-with-a-scrotum flag, as most scientists do not find this can be true in biological men.
Look, British bitch boys. Men can’t have PMS because they do not have a menstrual cycle. Biological men do not have a uterus, ovaries or fallopian tubes. These are the three essentials in causing women to menstruate. Inside a biological female's body, the egg leaves the ovary, travels through the fallopian tube and into the uterus. Hormone levels sky rocket to help prepare the uterine lining for a potential pregnancy. If the egg is fertilized by your sperm (just like we all saw during the intro of Look Who’s Talking) then it clings to the walls of our uterus like a rock climber hanging on for his life. If we block your sperm with an IUD or a condom, then the egg is not fertilized and it breaks apart causing our hormone levels to drop. Then, Satan reaches into our bodies and rings out the lining of our uterus like a wet rag, creating that week-long blood bath we call a period.
You are not having PMS, guy. It's biologically impossible. Even if Diamond is right and a drop in testosterone can cause mental trauma, then fine, but don't call it PMS. You are not premenstrual. You never have been and never will be. Why do you even want PMS? It's not an excuse for whining, self-centered complaining. It's not some easy out for not attending gym class you can milk. PMS sucks and you know what sucks even more, having to give birth to a human being.
I don't know what annoys me more, that these men are trying to use male PMS as an excuse to waste money on Cheetos or the fact that their girlfriends walk on eggshells to enable this garbage.
I imagine Diamond is the kind of guy who would tell me that "science is so conservative". Please. 1 + 1 = 2 (unless you are on acid or are Terrence Howard) and balls + penis = no menstrual cycle. Sorry, boys.
