Two Christmases ago, a young couple sat in the pews of the Canadian Memorial United Church in Kitsilano. Their infant child had died and they’d heard about the church’s annual Blue Christmas service.
They weren’t just searching for solace. They also needed an emotional refuge from the overwhelming pressure to be happy at this time of year.
“They said there were no other places where they could say, ‘I’m heartbroken,’” says the Rev. Beth Hayward. “It made them feel better to have a place where they didn’t have to pretend.”
The Blue Christmas service is “a reflective, safe space for people to gather if they find this time of year a challenge,” the church’s lead minister says. “It’s an escape from the Christmas joy and holiday spirit out there.”
This time of year can often evoke feelings of grief and loss, emotions made even more raw by all the seasonal messages of love, family and togetherness. The service acknowledges and honours those feelings rather than try to push or hide them away.
“Oddly,” Hayward says, “there’s an uplifting feeling in the service, just by bringing people together. Strength and hope arise from that. People know they are not alone.”
The hour-long service is rooted in Christian traditions but people of all faiths are welcome. It includes several readings. “Probably the most important part is the ability to light a candle for a loved or lost one, or for whatever grief there is in your life.”
It’s followed by an informal gathering over hot apple cider and Christmas cookies baked by Hayward’s mother.
As for the young couple grieving their first child, they are now regular church attendees, along with their second child. Hayward says, “They’ve found a community that’s able to hold the child they lost as well as the new joy in their lives.”
This year’s Blue Christmas is Dec. 20 from 7:30 to 8:30 p.m. The church is at Burrard Street and West 15th Avenue.
