Call it karma. In this very column way back in February, when the sun was shining brilliantly, when we were wearing short-sleeve T-shirts and Instagramming our early cherry blossom and daffodil blooms, yours truly urged you to #weatherbrag to your friends back east of our good weather fortune. What a difference a couple of months make. Damn.
In an attempt to make it through our Summer of Sizzle, here’s a few quick tips on how to survive a drought in a rain forest (many of which can be read in further detail in previous columns).
• Skip the bath! That’s right, those luxurious lavender bubble baths you take every damn night use an outrageous amount of water, so unless you enjoy seeing a miniature imitation of our mountain reservoirs when you pull out the plug at the end of your soak, stick to a quickie shower every couple of days, like me. No one minds the stink… I don’t think?
• Ride your bike! Yes, I’m back in that saddle again. Hopping on your bike not only allows you to catch a refreshing breeze when you hit a downward slope, but it also keeps you out of your sweltering, disgusting, exhaust-belching car as you sit in gridlock traffic. Those cyclists breezing by? That could and should be you!
• Put away your garden hose! You don’t need to wash your bird shit-encrusted car this summer. Just let it get even filthier sitting on the curb as you chill out cycling everywhere. And you sure as hell don’t need to use your sprinkler on your lawn, or hose down your sidewalks. The City has already imposed restrictions of watering your lawn once a week, eh? If you’re caught watering more than that, you face a $250 fine. Vegetable and flower gardens are exempt, as are trees and shrubs.
• No pressure washing! Speaking of sidewalk spraying, on my ride to work, I can’t help but notice several Gastown establishments, none of which I’ll mention here – ok fine, the Blarney Stone – hosing off who-knows-what from the night before. We’re in the middle of a drought, man! And the City agrees with me: pressure washing is “only for health and safety purposes … washing for aesthetic purposes is prohibited”. So unless it’s barf, blood, or worse, just get out the damn broom.
• Eat ice cream! Vancouver is lucky enough to have some fantastic, independently owned ice cream shops, like Earnest Ice Cream, La Casa Gelato, and, across the border and up the hill in Burnaby, the astounding Glenburn Soda Fountain.
• Don’t smoke! Seriously. You smokers in this city already have an outrageous habit of flicking cigarette butts wherever you seem to please, somehow not registering that this is not only littering but also a major fire hazard. We ask you… we plead with you… this is your summer to quit. You’re burning down our province with your flicking. If you insist on smoking, please, please, please don’t flick your butts. Extinguish and dispose of them properly, in a garbage can, or cigarette butt receptor.
• Drink craft beer!If you pay attention to the Westender’s beer column, The Growler, you’ll be fully aware of the craft beer revolution going on in Vancouver. Save water, drink our finest craft beer instead.
• Zip Down! Ok fine, ride the damn zipline at the top of Queen Elizabeth Park. It’ll at least cool you off.
Have any more tips of keeping cool and conserving water this summer? Tweet me up @GrantLawrence.
