On a day that will forever be known to Vancouverites as Black, Stretchy, Comfortable Tuesday, Lululemon announced it has pulled its ubiquitous black yoga pants from store shelves. The company cited a defect in the material that rendered it too "sheer" and potentially revealing when wearers perched in the downward dog position or took brisk walks along the seawall with their caramel lattes and stroller-bound two-year-olds named Dermot, Isabella or some other insufferable name.
If that weren't enough to put one's chakras out of alignment, the Vancouver-based company warned of an oncoming shortage of its popular pants, which cost $85 on average and make up 17 per cent of all women's pants and crop pants in Lululemon stores, according to the Associated Press.
However, it's not just comfortable women pretending to live some semblance of a leisurely life who are affected by the Lululemon fiasco - or "Yoga-ged-don" (you're welcome). Shares in the company dropped five per cent Tuesday morning, with Lululemon cutting its first-quarter revenue projections to some-where between a paltry $333 million and $343 million, down from its original forecast of $350 million to $355 million. Talk about an energy force killer.
Of course, K&K's real concern is for the victims of this tragic turn of events: The mother of two who, after a Thursday night jog with her running group, likes to enjoy a frozen yogurt at Yogen Früz, but no longer feels comfortable enough to do so in her old grey jogging pants with her alma mater scrawled across her rear end. Or the perky, scrunchy-wearing 20-something who walks down Fourth Avenue every morning with a rolled up yoga mat under her arm who now has to dig out those old purple leggings, which really wash out her face and make her look pale. Or the overworked supervisor with a thing for Liam Neeson who just wants to wear something easy and comfortable when she lines up for brunch every Sunday morning. is that too much to ask?
No, Julie, Tiffany and Marissa, it's not too much to ask. Like a lotus flower, we all need nurturing - we all need to spread our petals to receive sunshine and hydrating droplets of morning dew in order to grow. And without a pair of inconceivably comfortable $85 black yoga pants, it's nearly impossible. So, hold on, stay strong and breathe in, breathe out - your beloved pants will return soon enough. Namaste.
CROTCH KERFUFFLE
It's an exciting time over at the Globe and Mail these days. The paper took some heat Monday after it ran a front-page photo of teenaged figure skater Kaetlyn Osmond kicking her leg up in the air above her head during a recent performance. While Osmond was merely doing what she and thousands of ice skaters do during a typical dance routine, many likened the photo to an "up-skirt" shot and took to the Internet to voice their outrage and disgust, because apparently things like war, disease, poverty, homelessness and the federal government's muzzling of scientists have all been solved.
Even Globe and Mail public editor Sylvia Stead and managing editor Elena Cherney voiced their disappointment, saying it was "an unfortunate choice" and "not an acceptable photo for the front page."
Osmond, on the other hand, had no problem with the photo, telling a radio station that it was "cool" to be on the cover of a newspaper, and that skaters' skirts go flying up all the time. "So we don't find it that offensive."
Meanwhile, K&K is still trying to recover from another Globe and Mail crotch shot from a few weeks ago when, without any warning, we ran into a gigantic x-ray photo of Margaret Wente's pelvic region. That is something one cannot unsee. twitter.com/KudosKvetches
