Three ways Premier John Horgan could be more lit when expressing his wokeness

Kudos and Kvetches

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John Horgan

Regardless of where you stand on proportional representation, one thing is clear:

Premier John Horgan has embraced the embarrassing-dad-trying-to-be-cool approach with such a lack of self-consciousness or vanity, it’s almost admirable.

First there was the “Is your pro rep ballot here yet?” video in which Horgan and his staff don sunglasses and walk in slow motion to mail their ballot in a nod to the opening title sequence of Quentin Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs.

Sadly, the video doesn’t end with Horgan cutting David Eby’s ear off. That would have been wicked.

Then there was Horgan’s televised debate with Liberal leader Andrew Wilkinson, in which Horgan Donor laid this truth bomb on Wilki-poo.

“If you were woke, you’d know that pro rep is lit.”

Oh snap.

How will B.C.’s funky premier express his wokeness to pro rep next? Who knows. But we’d like to offer up some suggestions for Horgan to keep it lit in a manner becoming a pudgy, middle age, white guy with a well-trimmed stubble goatee.

Make a music video

As fans of the 1986 Calgary Flames know, few things embody the awesomeness of victory than making a music video that expresses your awesomeness.

We don’t expect Horgan and his crew to come up with anything as breathtaking as “Can’t Touch a Flame When It’s Red Hot,” but it’s worth a try. And we’ve give anything to see Horgan perform air guitar with Andrew Weaver. We bet those mofos can shred.

Rap

Few things connect woke family guys to the heartbeat of a city and the rhythm of the streets than hip hop. It’s like a portal into legitness, yo. And who better to rap about how dope pro rep is than our dawg, MC Horganism. “First past the post? How ’bout first pass the roast. I’m so hungry for democracy. Turn the mic up.”

Face tats

Everyone knows the best way to keep it real is to take a YOLO approach to life. And the best way to do that is by severely limiting your chances of entering the workforce with face tattoos. “You won’t hire me cuz of these face tattoos? That’s on you, bro. My work ethic is more than skin deep. Open your mind.”

Sure, Horgan already has a job… for now. But getting face tats that list the three choices of pro rep would take H-Money to an all new level of wokeness.