The 2014 Chutzpah! Festival is back February 22-March 9. This years theatrical performances seem to focus on motherhood.
25 Questions for a Jewish Mother, starring Judy Gold, is based on more than 50 interviews with mothers, as well as Golds own experiences, and is a hopeful and humorous story about strong, courageous mothers everywhere. It got me thinking about my own mother, who has always been a font of information for me and my friends whether we wanted it or not.
I can still remember when the girls would come over with photographs of their latest boyfriends to show my mother and get her two shekels worth of insight. Despite the fact that I have often considered my family as being Jew-ish not religious or kosher, with no interest in changes on either front my friends valued (and still do) her opinion and insights as coming from a real Jewish mother. Her advice always and scarily proved right, no matter how much we would try to ignore it.
Being a Jewish mamaleh seems to infuse one with almost instantaneous wisdom and foresight likely thanks to the 20+ year doctorate one receives in The School of Things My Mother Taught Me.
These include such wisdoms as A husbands not to look at; a husband is to GET. (Okay, my mom stole that one from Fiddler on the Roof.) And, I dont care who you marry. I dont care if theyre black, white, purple, gay, straight just make sure theyre Jewish. Or, the ultimate classic, All is not butter that comes from a cow. (Yeah, that took me a while as well.)
Being from the former Soviet Union, those wisdoms were infused with Russian mother-lore, such as They say he milks chickens, too. (Referring to gossipmongers; dont believe everything you hear.)
Vancouver has its fair share of Jewish mothers nothing compared to places like New York, certainly, but a healthy serving nonetheless. And, yet, most Vancouverites have not been able or perhaps simply were afraid to avail themselves of this magnificent resource. So, I started calling non-Jewish friends (my Jewish friends are amply provided for, natch) and asking, If you had a Jewish mother, what would you ask her?
The questions ranged from Does [she] have a cute, single, gay son? Preferably a doctor. (Answer: Only if youre Jewish. Converted is okay. Grandchildren are not optional.) to Can the Kabbalah teach my husband how to give me an orgasm? (Answer: You can lead a horse to water, but you cant make him drink. So, first make sure hes as thirsty as a good Jew after eating salt pork for the first time.)
I felt more of the questions deserved answers, so here are some of the bromides that my and other Jewish mothers have given me to pass on. Ive thrown in a few of my own since I, too, am now a Jewish mother (G-d help us all).
On love: With horses, you check the teeth; with humans, you check the brains.
On friendship: A friend is not someone who wipes your tears; a friend is someone who doesnt make you cry.
On truth: A lie you must never tell; the truth nobody said you have to tell.
On grief: Crying is good. It makes your heart lighter and your eyes brighter. Plus, it makes men uncomfortable, which is always good.
On health: Make sure you stay healthy no matter what happens in your life you can always kill yourself later.
25 Questions for a Jewish Mother is playing February 23 at 7:30pm at The Playhouse Theatre. ChutzpahFestival.com
