Since nature abhors a vacuum, K&K looks ahead at what will replace the wall-to-wall media coverage of the teachers’ strike now that it appears to be over.
Vancouver Canucks
How bad are they going to be? When they lose three games in a row, should Trevor Linden be fired? When they win three games in a row, should Linden take a run at politics? Of course he should. Look at that face, that chiselled jawline, hair that shimmers in the moonlight like phosphorescence on kelp. Are tickets too expensive compared to other hockey markets? Of course they are. What kind of name is Radim Vrabata? What has Luongo been tweeting ? We really should have been nicer to Luongo. Kevin Bieksa… lovable grump or grumpy douche? Is there a goalie controversy? There has to be a goalie controversy. It’s our lifeblood, our mother’s milk, our light that will never go out.
Rob Ford
Tumour. Sad. What does it mean? What is his legacy? Can his brother win in his place? How much more of a soap opera can this get? Do I dare eat a peach?
The civic election
We’re having one. It’s Nov. 15. Many of you didn’t know that, sadly. It’s a race between handsome Mayor Gregor Robertson and handsome challenger Kirk LaPointe and to a lesser extent someone from COPE, a once mighty party inching closer to irrelevance. What are the issues? Can one party be more pro-developer than the other when their campaigns both receive a whack of money from developers? Why don’t more people vote in civic elections? Whose fault is it? Wouldn’t a ward system help and engage more voters? Of course it would, but electoral reform... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
The Middle East
What a total mess.
Christmas
It’s almost Christmas. Not really, but you get the idea... Retailers really want you to start thinking about Christmas. Oh no, retailers say sales are down from last year. Online shopping is really cutting into the bottom line. Oh that dastardly Internet with all of its conveniences. Remember when people owned stores and people shopped at stores instead of using a machine that they also use to watch pornography in the darkened recesses of their shame rooms? It was grand.
Boxing Day
Why aren’t more people lining up for Boxing Day sales? Remember when more people lined up for Boxing Day sales? Maybe Boxing Day sales aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. An expert will tell us why Boxing Day sales aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Wasn’t that expert a news anchor back in the day? Oh never mind, let’s listen to that expert tell us how Boxing Day shopping habits have changed. Oh that dastardly Internet with all of its conveniences.
New Year’s
2015 is going to be a new year. Let’s look back at the old year. Wasn’t it topical? Remember when things happened? The new-look Canucks. The teachers’ strike. Rob Ford. The civic election. The Middle East… what a total mess. Hey, look at what Beyonce and Jay Z are doing now. Oh that dastardly Internet with all of its conveniences.
