Much has been made of Mayor Gregor Robertson apologizing to voters during a CBC debate on Wednesday. We’re not entirely sure what he was apologizing for or if it was sincere or merely an act of desperation in an increasingly tight mayoral race.
Regardless, we’d like it if more mayoral candidates apologized to us. Here’s what we’d like to hear:
• NPA candidate Kirk LaPointe: “I’m sorry for constantly mentioning that I grew up poor and know what it’s like to be hungry… in speeches, in videos, during debates and at Starbuck’s when I leave a measly 25-cent tip and feel guilty. I realize that I’m well off and live comfortably at UBC in a home that most of you will never be able to afford. But I thought it would make me seem more like an underdog, like one of the lumpen masses struggling to get by. Even though my party and my colleague’s party have spent more than $2 million apiece this election. I am truly sorry. But I really did grow up poor. Damn, I’m doing it again, aren’t I. Sorry about that.”
• COPE candidate Meena Wong: “I’m sorry for never answering questions directly or with cold hard facts to back up my idealistic promises. While I know many of you like the idea of a $15 minimum wage and a $30 transit pass for every Vancouverite, there are so many other levels of government that would have to be involved to make these things a reality, it was irresponsible of me to promise them if elected. But in reality I won’t be elected, so no harm done, right? Once again, I’m sorry.”
• Former mayor Sam Sullivan: “Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m not running for mayor anymore. In fact, I’m rather enjoying my MLA job in Victoria. You know how many boring meetings about off leash-dog bylaws, zoning restrictions and bike lanes I have to attend now? Zero. In fact, my boss doesn’t even like it when parliament is in session, so I’m free as a bird. Anyway, I feel I owe all of you an apology. When you guys head to the polls Saturday you will be faced with a ridiculously long ballot... 119 candidates to choose from. That’s crazy, I know! It means only candidates from well-funded parties tend to win. And if you happen to have a last name beginning with A, B or C, putting you at the top of that ridiculously long ballot, it’s even better. That’s because, unlike most large cities in North America, we have what’s called an “at large system.” The alternative is a “ward system,” where voters choose from a smaller list of candidates who represent the neighbourhood or area where the voters live. It means there’s more of a chance voters know who their candidates are, and a variety of voices get voted in. But when we put it to voters what system to adopt, I campaigned heavily for the status quo, the “at large system.” Because it’s better. Correction, it was better for me and my colleagues. It’s also why parties like the NPA and Vision have spent more than $2 million a piece this election. I know, crazy, right? How can anyone compete against that? Sure, both parties agree that they’d like to set spending limits on campaigns, but that’s a matter for the provincial government, in other words “my employer,” to decide. I know, crazy. Basically, what I’m trying to say is sorry. For the whole thing. Also don’t forget to vote on Nov. 15. Take your time. You’ll need it.”
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