For nearly 40 years, the Gastown Steam Clock has told time, exhaled steam, made noise and confirmed that tourists, much like newborns and crows, are easily enthralled by shiny things. However, the popular attraction was recently removed from the corner of Water and Cambie to undergo $50,000 worth of renovations over the next two months. What will tourists do now that their beloved clock is gone?
Sadly, some people are still posing for photos in front of the temporary box covering the clock’s pedestal. But according to a recent article in the Vancouver Sun, two local architects have launched a Kickstarter campaign to raise $19,500 to create an art installation in its place.
“Make It Rain — A Reflective Cloud Chamber for Gastown” is described as “a 27-foot tall, tapering, and reflective soft cylinder mounted onto the existing base of the steam clock.” Coincidentally, Reflective Cloud Chamber was also the name of a band we played pan flute for back in the ’90s.
The article further states, “The cloud chamber’s skin will be made out of combination of reflective theatre gel and Tyvek, a breathable polyethylene fabric. Inside a series of inflatable air bladders and steam fittings will be secured to a plywood housing. The tower will be soft to the touch. With steam coursing through it’s [sic] internal bladders, it will also appear alive.” Sounds hot.
However, we can think of plenty of things that could replace the Gastown Steam Clock and for far less than 20 grand. For instance:
• A giant “living statue” of Bryant “Big Country” Reeves. The much-maligned, seven foot tall first round draft pick of the defunct Vancouver Grizzlies would stand for four hour shifts, pose for pictures, act as a jungle gym for kids, provide shelter when it rains and serve as a place for locals to vent their frustration over not having an NBA team anymore.
• Expo Ernie. Rumour has it the lovable but useless Expo 86 robot resides in billionaire Jimmy Pattison’s mansion. Time to haul him down the mountain and remind Vancouverites of those crazy days of feathered hair, spandex pants, legwarmers and oversized shaker-knit sweaters. Wait, that’s what Gastown is like now, isn’t it?
• A bronze sculpture of former CBC newscaster Gloria “the Gossamer of Loveliness” Macarenko in high heels stepping on the neck of her diminutive replacement Andrew “Judas” Chang.
• A cascading waterfall of blood to decry the cultural hegemony and gentrification that oppresses the citizens of Vancouver every day and in itself is an act of violence. Just kidding.
• A 10-foot-tall metallic rooster that crows every hour with steam emanating from its beak. It would be called, wait for it, the Gastown Steam Cock.
