Not since the early ’90s when we were svelte, limber and performed mating dances to Ned’s Atomic Dustbin have we felt as wanted as we do now.
Earlier this month, Coun. George Affleck and the NPA announced a city-wide campaign to seek input from residents and businesses in an effort to shape the party’s policies in the run-up to next fall’s civic election. Dubbed “neighbourhood-listening forums,” these feel-good sounding NPA rebranding efforts will be held across the city where, according to Courier scribe Mike Howell, “residents are invited to discuss various issues, including safety, small business and the economy, parks, seniors and issues in the gay community.” The first forum is set for Dec. 11 at the Museum of Vancouver.
If that weren’t enough, Vision Vancouver and its resident DJ/mayor Gregor Robertson have also decided to reach out and offer a soft shoulder to cry on.
On Tuesday, Robertson and his crew held a “telephone town hall” meeting, which supposedly offered residents a chance to pose questions to Mayor Robertson over the phone. We were even left an invitation to the event on our answering machine. And although it would have been tempting to phone up and ask the mayor if his fridge was running, Tuesday was our night to horde hay and make our fellow Settlers of Catan wish they never crossed us in their underhanded livestock dealings.
That said, it’s nice to know the city’s two major civic parties really want to get to know us. Or at least appear like they really want to get to know us. Which is why we’ve decided to hold our own feel-good forums.
• As the name suggests, K&K’s Cuddle Camp is a more touchy-feely information session where participants express themselves not with words but gentle rubs and squeezes.
• Talk to the Hand is not as dismissive and dated as it sounds. #TTTH is K&K’s new street-wise effort to “rap” with the kids about what’s buggin’ them, via their dope hand-held devices, yo. Just don’t tell mom and dad. Just like our homies DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince like to say, parents just don’t understand. Word. Hashtag! LOL!
• Mouth to Mouth Mondays is a weekly provocative social experiment involving either hot make out sessions with strangers or passing questions on folded-up pieces of paper between your mouth and ours like a mother robin would feed its babies. We haven’t decided yet.
• Rage in the Cage mixes the physicality of mixed martial arts with the incessant whining of ad hoc community groups who don’t like change. Get in the K&K Grievance Octagon and let your emotions and self-serving arguments fly as you grapple with Randy Red Tape, Municipal Mayhem and Dr. Bureaucracy. Two bitterly frustrated men or women enter, and two bitterly frustrated men or women leave.
