With the movie adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey forcefully entering theatres this weekend and eventually pulling out, studhorse paint store Benjamin Moore has decided to get in on the hot and heavy, poorly written action.
Earlier this week our normally shy and demure inbox received an email from a dashing but mysterious marketing company boasting of Benjamin Moore’s “166 shades of gray.” Get it?
Initially turned off by the brash Toronto-based company’s insistence on using the American spelling of grey, we continued our erotic journey into piggyback marketing and social media campaigns… beads of sweat collecting on our furrowed brow like a newly corralled mare stamping its hooves but really desiring only to be saddled and tamed.
“If you think 50 sounds hot, have you heard about the 166 shades of gray by Benjamin Moore?” teased the curious press release. “Our spectacular collection of shades from the understated side of the colour palette possesses an elegant nuance and can bring to any décor [sic].” Despite the email’s obvious typo or clear lack of editing, we decided to read further.
Biting our lip, we scrolled down the message, ever so slowly, our finger trembling on the mouse as if it were the trigger of a loaded pistol. “Whether you prefer the bold, red undertones in Silhouette AF-655 or the stylish, cool blues in Metropolitan AF-690, Benjamin Moore has a gray for every shade of your desire.”
Could there be anything sexier sounding than the words Silhouette AF-655 or Metropolitan AF-690? Elephant Wart AF-94, Month-Old Meatloaf B-1972 and Elderly Undercarriage 69 come to mind, but we just made those up.
No, it was too late. Benjamin Moore had us under its spell. We would do anything it commanded: Paint our bedroom walls Silver Fox 2108-50, add a Burnt Ember CSP-120 trim to our kitchen or even undertake an ill-advised Thundercloud 2124-40 accent wall in our living room. Where would it all end? When would Benjamin be satisfied? What would become of our green chaise lounge, which obviously isn’t even in the same colour family of grey? Only time and our well-worn paint swatches will tell.
