On Canada Day weekend, Courier operatives entered city hall and planted a hidden camera in the mayors office, collecting hours of video footage. The following conversation between Mayor Gregor Robertson, Mike Magee, Robertsons chief of staff, and city councillor Andrea Reimer took place Wednesday morning, Oct. 12.
Beside his large oak desk, Robertson, wearing neon green bike shorts, a brown blazer, pink tie and blue bicycle helmet, rides a stationary bike. Oversized black headphones lead to an iPod nano clipped on his helmet. While peddling, Robertson sings loud and off-key.
Trailers for sale or rent, rooms to let fifty cents. No phone, no pool, no pets. I ain't got no cigarettes
Magee, bald and goateed, sits behind the mayors desk typing on his laptop. He shakes his head, slams the laptop shut and stands up.
For f**k sake! Our internal polling shows were strong in the west but losing ground on the East Side. Tim Louis is killing us with his people power bulls**t.
Robertson, still singing, smiles at Magee.
Turn that thing off!
Robertson removes his headphones, keeps peddling.
Whats up, Mike?
We got a problem on the East Side. The elections less than five weeks away. We need to modify your image.
Magee taps the desk intercom.
Betty, get councillor Reimer in here. Pronto.
Magee walks toward a large window and gazes at the Vancouver skyline. Reimer, wearing a plaid shirt and white blouse, enters the room and sits on a bright yellow beanbag chair. Magee nods.
Ok, new G-man. Harder, scruffier, more street. Ideas. Go.
Robertson, still peddling, raises his hand.
I could wear my Luongo jersey more often. Grow a goatee.
No, Canucks are too highbrow. Lets get a Lions jerseyLulay or one of the receivers. Reimer nods and writes on her notepad.
And lets ditch the designer suits. I wanna see denim and white sneakers.
But Mike, what about council meetings? Everyone wears a suiteven Penny.
Dont worry, G-man, were talking about the campaign trail. Commercial Drive, Killarney, Chinatown. And Hollyhock is out. Joe Lunchbucket cant relate to a mayor who spends his weekends with American millionaires on fantasy island.
Robertson stops peddling, dismounts his stationary bike.
Now Mike, wait a minute. Ill wear the Lions jersey and go to Chinatown, but you cant take away my Hollyhock.
G-man, after we win in November, you can spend every weekend eating bean sprouts and chanting to whoever, but right now we need you here. Look what happened to Cadman. He flew around attending every green conference on the planet and the COPE plebes dumped his ass like last weeks Thai food.
Reimer smiles and nods.
Robertson exhales and climbs back onto his stationary bike.
Phew, looks like its going to be a bumpy campaign. I better get in shape.
While Reimer and Magee chat, Robertson puts on his headphones and starts peddling.
Two hours of pushin broom buys an eight by twelve four-bit room, I'm a man of means by no means, king of the road.
Twitter: @MarkHasiuk
