Friendship is one of those things we all think will last forever when we’re younger but soon realize that as life take on many unexpected turns, it’s not always the case. We know that friendships provide support, unconditional positive regard and a sense of belonging. These are all great things that will improve mental health and contribute to physical well-being.
It’s important to highlight the various kinds of friendships we might encounter: situational (someone who can empathize with you during an intense period of transition but may not have much common ground with you once you’re out of that transition), friendships that require putting in the time to stay strong (common ground and close connection is central in this type of friendship) and unconditional friendship (these friendships are not forged on how much time you spend with each other but rather stays strong and there’s ease in connection even if you haven’t spoken in months).
Friendships often dissolve through time due to several issues: lack of common interest, busy schedules or even the introduction of a new partner. As we age, we tend to lose friends when major life changes happens like the birth of a child which will often start to limit their spare time or career focused individuals who put in long hours at the office.
However, each situation presents new opportunities to meet people. For new moms, there are online parent support groups or other moms in the neighborhood to connect with. If you’re single, you’re likely to spend more time with friends who are also single to go out with and share common ground.
Transitions in life can shifts in friendship and create social isolation at times whether you’re married, single or have children. Finding new friends does get more difficult as we get older and it seem to have become even more complicated. A recent article in The Washington Post outlined how we should approach making new friends by using techniques to “craft a successful friend date”. They urge people to approach forming new friendships much like dating. The article talks about “doing research” on the person you’re interested in forming a friendship with like going on their Facebook profile and to also lock down a second date as soon as possible if the first goes well.
As most people get older, building and strengthening current friendships they currently have surpasses having a large number of friends. In many ways, our friends exemplify the best in us and if you’re really lucky can also withstand the test of time.
Amy Yew is a registered clinical counselor and relationship therapist. She is also the author of a fashion and lifestyle blog Style Du Jour. Tell us what you think and submit any questions you have to [email protected].
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