As with many people who carry around a lifetime's worth of baggage from their school days, K&K has always viewed the beginning of September as a time of rebirth and renewal rather than January and the official beginning of the “new year.”
Besides new clothes, new notebooks and perhaps a fresh crop of armpit hair, September was always a time where we could envision the rest of the year laid out before us. It was like picking up the TV Guide and looking at all the programs we could potentially watch that week, with the ultimate reward just over the horizon — Saturday night’s one-two punch of Love Boat followed by Fantasy Island. Heady days, indeed.
These days, September still feels ripe with possibilities. Some of our favourite television programs are resuming. Roberto Luongo’s tender groin and his fellow Canucks hit the ice to potentially crush our dreams for another season. And, we’re not ashamed to admit, we’ve got new pair of leather pants begging to be broken in.
In fact, there are dozens of things we’re looking forward to this year. Here are a few highlights:
• Faced with the end of Prohibition on Boardwalk Empire, Steve Buscemi’s character Nucky Thompson is forced to diversify, descending into the seedy underworld of illegally importing Beanie Babies.
• The Vancouver International Film Festival, which launches Sept. 26, will include a new program called Seriously, These Things Somehow Found Financial Backing, dedicated to independent Canadian films with spotty acting, convoluted story lines about unconventional families, prolonged shots of windblown landscapes, at least one cast member from Corner Gas and the music of Dan Mangan.
• With no formidable opposition, Mayor Gregor Robertson will clearly be in cruise control, acting on every whim without fear of repercussion. Feeling free and easy, and particularly proud of his cycling sculpted gams, he’ll stop wearing pants, opting for biking shorts or cut-off jean shorts when he ventures into Mount Pleasant and sometimes just gaunch, which are usually hemp boxer briefs designed by his good friend David Byrne. Dubbed the 2014 Preenest City Action Plan, the mayor’s pantlesss pursuits prove popular among voters, forcing NPA Coun. George Affleck to one up the mayor and go commando during televised city council meetings and inspiring the unfortunate nickname Curious George.
• With high-end cupcakes, doughnuts, ice-cream and anything bacon-related reaching their culinary zeniths, hip new restaurants, food trucks and cafes look to the next food trend — artisanal gruel.
• After a global artisanal gruel shortage, with blame falling squarely on the plaid shoulders of Portland, local restaurant owners scramble for ideas, some better than others. Frozen Creamed Corn-sicles are an abject failure, while organic Sloppy Joes and 100 Mile Diet Man-whiches take the over-priced sandwich scene by storm. Swept up in all the excitement, K&K gets in on the action by setting up at farmers markets to sell our homemade line of “Bread Balls,” where we crush a piece of bread in our bare hands until it forms a tight and delicious ball. Gluten free options are available for a few dollars extra.
