Speaking of terrible coffee-related ideas. KFC, or Kentucky Fried Chicken as the survivors of juvenile diabetes once called it, is testing the waters in jolly ol’ England with its new line of edible coffee cups. Sadly, the cups are not made of deep-fried chicken molded into the shape of a drinking vessel as we had hoped, but consist of “a wafer coated in sugar paper and lined with a heat-resistant white chocolate,” according to the New York Times.
The new cup, or “soluble shame container,” will hit customers’ ill-informed tummies at the same time British KFC franchises introduce Seattle’s Best Coffee to its bewildering menu. Because what’s more quintessentially British than coffee from Seattle sold in an American restaurant chain originally based in Kentucky.
According to the company, the edible cups have nothing to do with feeding customers’ insatiable appetite to eat everything in sight, though we beg to differ, but everything to do with addressing “consumer concerns about the environmental impact of packaging, as well as their desire for simplicity.”
And if the prospect of chowing down on the very same technology panhandlers use to collect change isn’t enticing enough, the new KFC cups, or “chewable Apocalypse goblets,” are also dosed with “ambient aromas” including “Coconut Sun Cream,” “Freshly Cut Grass,” “Wild Flowers,” “Blood Money,” “Cramped Poultry Feeding Pen,” “Satan’s Sugar Wafer” and “Oniony sweat stains on a brand manager’s cotton-polyester-blend dress shirt as he/she desperately spitballs ideas at a sales meeting to increase company profits by any stupid means necessary.” We may have made a few of those up.
